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JUST FOR YOU.

by roovacrag 

Posted: 18 August 2004
Word Count: 121
Summary: M y tune was kisses for me.
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With you my little girl
send my head all in a whirl
can I sing a little song
just for you?

Do you wonder who I am?
I am not your uncle Sam
I am daddy who is home
just for you.

"I know you think it is strange"
that your life is rearranged
not my fault,I did it
just for you.

How was I to know
that you would grow and grow
while daddy fought a war
just for you.

Now all is safe and all sound
daddy is now around
to play games you want
just for you.

Will read you bedside stories
so you never have A worry
I will stay forever and a day
just for you.






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Comments by other Members



Jumbo at 11:18 on 18 August 2004  Report this post
Alice

A great sentiment.

You can hear the words sing of the page.

All the best

jumbo
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Zettel at 12:41 on 18 August 2004  Report this post
Alice.

I agree with Jumbo. This piece came alive when I found myself sort of singing it to myself rather than just reading it. And clearly deeply felt.

Considered as a song: do you need a chorus? Often one can pick out a verse as a natural chorus. Not sure you can here as there is a narrative thread.

Hard to do, but as there are quite a few verses here for a song (not for a poem of course) might it distil a little? (Harder still because of the narrative thread).

Really nice piece. Love to hear it sung.

Zettel
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roovacrag at 12:47 on 18 August 2004  Report this post
Jumbo thanks for comments. Not sure what to do with songs. We will all have a different tune and all different voices.
Might get a group up here.
Skiffle
spoons
comb and paper, lol

xx Alice
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roovacrag at 12:50 on 18 August 2004  Report this post
Zettal not sure myself. Just don't ask me to sing.

Would like to know what other tunes people have in mind.

This is a fun part of writewords,takes us out of ourselves.

Whoever thought it up deserves a gold star.

xxx Alice
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olebut at 08:28 on 19 August 2004  Report this post
Alice very clever I wonder in verse 3 if it would work better if you changed line 1 to read

'I know you think that it is strange'

( but then I can't get the words to work with that tune)


and likewise in verse 5 line 1 change it to

'Now all is safe and all is sound'

and in line 3 same verse add 'the' before the word games

and in the last verse change 'never have no worries'

to 'never have to worry' ( I think the half rhyme with stories works OK)

but perhaps if I could ghet the tune to work I may reconsider

enjoye dit very much

take care

david x
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roovacrag at 15:03 on 19 August 2004  Report this post
David many thanks my friend for the comments.

Good job I am not asked to sing it as I would empty the room.
Think I lost the tune as well.

xx Alice
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Noodles at 19:17 on 02 November 2004  Report this post
So simple, elegant and poignant. It 'sings' so well on its own, I can't put a tune to it myself - just wouldn't do it justice. Really want to hear this!

All the best (sorry this is late)

Pete
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