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Complete Silence

by aliyahsam 

Posted: 12 August 2004
Word Count: 150

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As the cloud touched the horizon,

A gust of wind blew to meet

The dread coming. And a howl

From below reached the sky and

Struck the earth with lights in

A speed of a bullet. Death

Smelled all around, blood soaked

The earth in vengeance –‘tis hatred.

From the sun, then, came a chariot

With a warrior ready for another

Battle. But a sound of defeat

Loomed the air, hanging heavy,

And not a soul can stand

The terror of another war.

And another chariot charging, and in it

The blackness of horror –

The warrior of Death. He collected

The souls and dragged them away

To the eternal death.

Cries of panic, anguish and

Pain mixed with tragic, horror

And dread. Then the sky fell

To the earth in great thunder,

To end the curse of mortality;

To end the life, to end death.

And, here came silence.

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Comments by other Members

olebut at 09:11 on 12 August 2004  Report this post

firstly welcome to write words I hope you enjoy thesite and decide to stay.

Wow a powerful first piece with great imagery and emotion so much wrapped up in so few words well done.

My only concern is that the use of capitals at the beginnig of each line ( yes I know the convention) spoils the flow and effect. In certain cases it amplifies the effect but is then diluted in the places were it would be better to start witha lower case character because of the way you have laid the poem out you are effectivley starting a word with a capital in the middle of a sentence to illustarte my point I have taken the liberty of changing the following but left Battle with a capital because I think it needs the extra emphasis.


A speed of a bullet. Death

smelled all around, blood soaked

the earth in vengeance –‘tis hatred.

from the sun, then, came a chariot

with a warrior ready for another

Battle. But a sound of defeat

loomed the air, hanging heavy,

but whatever you decide a fine piece well done

take care david

roovacrag at 22:30 on 12 August 2004  Report this post
Welcome to WW.

Superb poem, As David said ,no need for all the caps.

Loved the line ..He collected the souls and dragged them away. Like the reeper taking his souls.

Well done.

xx Alice

Rai15 at 14:00 on 18 August 2004  Report this post
I really like the way this began with something so simple as a cloud.

This piece has really strong imagery for me coupled with the great descriptive language makes it very memorable.

Very well done, brilliant first post,


Lawrenco at 22:10 on 23 August 2004  Report this post
Very dramatic opening poem,enjoyed the vivid descriptiveness ,you made something catostrophic sound reasonable.


Welcome to ww hope you have a good time here.

aliyahsam at 10:03 on 24 August 2004  Report this post
thank u all for the comment, i really appreciate it. thank u david, alice, rai and lawrenco

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