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Payback Time

by The Walrus 

Posted: 10 August 2004
Word Count: 61
Summary: First draft.


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I didn’t do my lines
to not have learnt
the lesson.
I didn’t recklessly imbibe
to realise you can’t drink
from the same cup.

The mildewed cheek
of sodden-pillowed years
finally taught me,
uncompromisingly,
never to bend
to another’s will.

And my heart
wasn’t cast,
without leaving rope
to haul it back in.

I didn’t come all this way
for nothing.









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Comments by other Members



Fearless at 13:01 on 11 August 2004  Report this post
Red

I liked the way this came across, but would suggest two minor changes to consider:

- You could lose the last line
- In the third stanza, move the comma from the end of the first line to the second line

Very minor.

I particularly enjoyed the first two stanzas, for they paint an image of a journey.

Write on, Fearless xx

The Walrus at 20:06 on 11 August 2004  Report this post
Very valid points, have amended and changed the title to boot. Thanks for that.

Red
xx


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