Login   Sign Up 



 
Archive » baldur » Work
Archive »  Poetry » General » Work

she`s mine

by baldur 

Posted: 06 August 2004
Word Count: 104
Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


She’s Mine

She’s kinda cute
Kinda sexy
She’ll tie you in knots
She’s beautiful, amazing
Exotic erotic
And she’s mine.

She’s kinda cute
Kinda horny
She’ll talk
And you’ll fall
Cos, that voice!
And she’s mine.

She’s kinda cute
And she’s mine
I know it
And she knows it.
She shimmers to me
A dream in red lace
And she’s mine.

She’s kinda cute
And she smiles
And the star
Goes super nova
The world lights up
And she’s mine

She’s kinda cute
But then her
Eyes get dark and wild
And then I know
I got it wrong
She’s not mine

I’m hers.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



joanie at 20:03 on 06 August 2004  Report this post
baldur, I smiled a wry smile at the end; brilliant conclusion!

I loved it.

joanie

PS final line - no apostrophe needed - I'm hers

<Added>

Reminded me of the saying that a boy chases a girl until she catches him.
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

baldur at 20:30 on 06 August 2004  Report this post
Joanie, thanks.....I'll change the apostrophe too!
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

The Walrus at 06:38 on 07 August 2004  Report this post
Baldur - fabulous piece that jumps out of the page. Almost sounds like song lyrics. As Joanie says, great ending.

The Walrus
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

olebut at 08:45 on 07 August 2004  Report this post
Baldur

enigmatic

david
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

Ticonderoga at 15:03 on 07 August 2004  Report this post
This has the makings of a brilliant song! It stands very well as a poem, but there's something about the rhythm and the repeats that seems to beg to be sung or rapped.

Best,

Mike
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

baldur at 17:24 on 07 August 2004  Report this post
thanks for all the comments........I changed the third stanza to make it scan better, hope it looks ok?
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

engldolph at 15:07 on 10 August 2004  Report this post
Hi Baldur


Captures young, edgy, naive love where "who owns who" is an defining issue.

Like the twist at the end.

Mike
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

baldur at 00:30 on 12 August 2004  Report this post
Mike,

Not sure about the 'young' lol....but I think you got the rest right! Thanks,

Michael.
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

tinyclanger at 12:48 on 02 September 2004  Report this post
Only just caught up with this.
I like the twist, "she's mine, she's mine - I'm hers."
Seems to be about possession 'ownership' power? underneath that lighhearted portrait.
Nice one!
x
tc
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .

 






Other work by baldur:      ...view all work by baldur