 joanie at 23:32 on 05 August 2004
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The Walrus, I seem to be thinking these sorts of thoughts so often at the moment. How, indeed, can you expect.......? I feel very guilty!
Very well done.
joanie
Should it be 'Terrestrial?
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 The Walrus at 23:44 on 05 August 2004
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Joanie, thanks, great minds babe! No idea, but think you're probably right! Have amended. Thanks.
The Walrus
<Added>
I meant no ideal re: Terrestial/Terrestrial.
<Added>
Christ! I meant no 'idea'!
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eyeball at 10:07 on 06 August 2004
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Well I had to read this, didn't I, it having my favourite word in the title an' all. ;)
It's a lovely 'time to stad and stare' poem. I really liked the alliteration of 'sunlight shift' and I like the contrasts of quite complex and technological words: 'telephonically berating' and refraction, with the simplicity of the idea.
I wasn't sure about 'Even the farmer...looked up
the second the white stag
glide past.
If he looked UP, he's have seen it, was what I thought, and I'm not sure what the past tense of glide is. Glided wouldn't sound right, but I thought glide was present tense?
Very nice final verse.
Sharon
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Kipper at 17:20 on 06 August 2004
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Quite right Walrus - and an excellent choice of remiss occupations. For Yes, We should perhaps be the Ones documenting Wonders. I can only feel personally guilty for the first set: I myself have colleagues who are so often too weary and wet to bother jotting down in their sodden poet's notepads or sleep-deprived memories the Hazed Rainbow...or even to recognize the middle-class meanderings of a lig-abed laptop.
I'm glad you've managed to post this before strident PCism rules occupationalism along with sex, race and religion as A Taboo.
" EVEN the farmer " ...!
Surely not! Well OK an eyes-closed postman and cabby, but...
Looking forward to reading more revolutionary stuff.
All good wishes
Kipper
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The Walrus at 21:53 on 06 August 2004
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Sharon, thanks for commenting. Which title word did it for you? Alchemy presumably? The farmer, I visualised looking up from out of his cab, the moment the white stag had gone past. This was clear to me, but clearly not to the reader, apologies, not quite sure how to change. As for glide, you've got me wondering now, will have to consult a grammar book!
Kipper, hey, thanks. Your comments made me laugh. 'Remiss occupations'? They were simply a random choice. Take your point though on your own experiences... clearly very valid ones. Very glad you enjoyed it and will do my upmost to provide 'more revolutionary stuff'.
The Walrus
(Occupation: Pig Farmer. Yes really.)
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eyeball at 22:04 on 06 August 2004
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Poetic pig farmer ~ excellent!
Not alchemy but Terrestrial. It's the title of my novel (shameless plug). But I like alchemy too :) Sharon
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The Walrus at 22:06 on 06 August 2004
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Nothing shameless about it. Will now have to go in search of it... a clue would be handy :-)
The Walrus
<Added>
Just checked out your profile... got it.
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 Elsie at 22:39 on 06 August 2004
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Walrus, this really struck home - we are (some of us) all too busy to really experience life. I too wondered about the tense on glide - glides? maybe? Also - pondered what time is the cabbie berating his wife - that early in the morning - serves him right then - thoughtless person! (Though I 'spose you get them early in the evening too..)
Elsie
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The Walrus at 06:28 on 07 August 2004
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Thanks Elsie, I guess I was picturing the cabbie during the evening (as you suggest):-)
The Walrus
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eyeball at 08:36 on 07 August 2004
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Could you bring the whole thing into the present tense? It would solve the glide problem.
Sharon
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roovacrag at 20:32 on 07 August 2004
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Red daughter, good poem.
Well written as you always do.
Enjoyed it.
xxx Red Mum
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Fearless at 20:11 on 11 August 2004
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I return to this after spending the last couple of days thinking about shooting stars, and how many of us have to venture out from our urban caves to seek such timeless beauty. This poem reminds one that it's usually around us, but that we all too often become engrossed in the trivial tinkering that is life, rather than living.
Write on,
Fearless
xx
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