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THE SWING

by TheGodfather 

Posted: 29 July 2004
Word Count: 184


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The sun has beat down on
and faded the sparkling coat of twitter paint.
Storms have torn at the roof
and thrown the loose shingles away.
The house is strong though.

The porch swing stands out,
bright white against the faded panels of the house.
Initials carved decades ago,
still fresh in the arm of the swing,
carry the life of the house.
Jokes and Laughter can still be heard
from the windows at night.
Joy and Love lie in the flowered letters of the doormat,
placed there the day they moved
into the house, years ago.

The evening sun reflects bright orange off the ivy
decorating the rail around the porch.
They have relished the sunset together each day.
The old man takes his wife’s hand
and sets it on his knee.
They rock in the swing.
He traces the initials with her finger
and smiles at her.
She brushes silver strands from his forehead
and caresses the back of his neck.
Looking at the initials still fresh in the armrest
warms her.

The disappearing sun slowly leaves its sherbet trail
to twilight.






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Comments by other Members



Anj at 09:40 on 29 July 2004  Report this post
God (can I call you that?)

I wouldn't normally be drawn into a poem about a house, but somehow you make the house entice me all the same. Love the loose shingles thrown away - fantastic images conjured. (What's twitter paint, though?)

For me, "The house is strong though." didn't work - either not a strong enough phrase, or just unnecessary?

"Joy and Love lie in the flowered letters of the doormat," - a great line, revealing the house's secret - that old and tattered though it may be, people still thrive inside.

"bright orange off the ivy" - a bit clumsy?

The elderly couple are just wonderful, so touching. "Looking at the initials still fresh in the armrest warms her." seemed a bit of an anti-climax, a bit matter of fact.

The final fade-out is just great.

Lovely

Andrea





joanie at 09:56 on 29 July 2004  Report this post
Godfather, this is beautiful. A lovely portrait of this couple. Very calm, peaceful and comfortable.

joanie

roovacrag at 17:59 on 30 July 2004  Report this post
Goddy,, good poem,written well and flowed well.
Makes you want to read over again. I will read it again.
Well done.

XX Alice

crowspark at 21:47 on 30 July 2004  Report this post
Hi Godfather. I really like this. A strong clear voice.
I love "The disappearing sun slowly leaves its sherbet trail
to twilight" but a little uncomfortable with, "Looking at the initials still fresh in the armrest warms her."
Great stuff
Bill


Fearless at 19:40 on 08 August 2004  Report this post
A portrait of two as one after Time.
I liked it, GodDaddy.

Write on, Fearless

DerekH at 15:32 on 26 August 2004  Report this post
I'm new here and have been trawling through people's uploaded work...just to get an idea of what goes on...I'm a beginner and hope to learn from people on this site.

There's a lot of great work on this site but this is the first piece I've seen that really, honestly drew me in. I love the mood you have created.

TheGodfather at 17:07 on 26 August 2004  Report this post
Anj, Joanie, roovecrag, crowspark, fearless, derek,

Thanks for reading it. I'm glad you liked it. Derek, I'm glad it hit you on some level. Welcome to Writewords.

TheGodfather


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