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The Metronome

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 25 July 2004
Word Count: 91
Summary: feeling useless can be useful..


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The Metronome


This poem is turned off
on white dusty roads
the way dark & dead,
this poem feeds no one.

This poem is switched,
instead of thunder storms
stones rattle in my head
yet the poem rumbles on.

This poem is a broken blade
sawing on the edge of my tongue,
it's words salting my thirst
as they pour back into my soul.

This poem has surface
and no sub soil, no worms,
no wriggling natures.
Only rows of 'keep off' notices
and the sense of rebel readers.


John G.Hall(C)2004














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Comments by other Members



Nell at 17:23 on 25 July 2004  Report this post
Hello John,

I love the lines: This poem is a broken blade/sawing on the edge of my tongue, and the way the last stanza admits to us what the poem is about - although we already know. ...the sense of rebel readers... - yes, that's deep, thoughtful. I do admire your work - good luck with the magazine.

Nell.

Account Closed at 20:51 on 25 July 2004  Report this post
Great "rap" feel to this - can imagine it being read aloud very well! Wondered about cutting out the middle line of the last stanza to keep that fast-moving four line effect? And also there's an "it's" instead of an "its" in the 3rd stanza.

Also, it's very true!!

LoL

Anne B

Elsie at 21:00 on 25 July 2004  Report this post
John, I thought I'd like this poem from the first line. And I did. You caught my attention and held it . I'm not sure I entirely understand it though..but I like it.

miffle at 20:56 on 26 July 2004  Report this post
Well, I tramped through your poem until the last two lines and then wondered if perhaps I'd been trespassing! This poems seems to turn us all into 'rebel readers'... Kind regards, Nikki

NB The 'broken blade' stanza made me wince ;-) Great!

<Added>

'This poem has surface..' also seems a rebellious thing to say in part...

olebut at 22:13 on 26 July 2004  Report this post
John I like this, I wonder did you try using a metronome when you wrote it ?

as a matter of interest if you want to create the copyright c (which it won't let me on this post) hold down 'alt gr '( to the right of your space bar) and c .

nice phrases and images

take care

david


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