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In Memory

by Rai15 

Posted: 25 July 2004
Word Count: 66


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Looking through the window,
up into the sky,
thinking of the times with you,
those times gone by.

Thinking of your sweet eyes,
staring into mine,
wishing you could see through
into my mind.

Remembering your hug,
how my heartbeat felt,
longing for another,
feel myself melt.

But just for now I’ll dream,
of some other day,
until I see you next,
in memory you’ll stay.






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 14:59 on 25 July 2004  Report this post
Rai..I am sure there will be a next time, Savour it when it comes.
xx Alice

olebut at 16:04 on 25 July 2004  Report this post
Rai a very gentle poem with much emotion and I guess love well done

a few minor suggetsions,

in line 4 verse 1 try adding 'of' as the first word

verse 3 line 4 either consider changing 'feel' to 'feeling' or start the line with 'I'

and line 4 of the last verse try changing 'you'll' to 'you will'

i think it scans better but equally you may not

a sweet verse thank you and I hope things work out for you

take care

david

Rai15 at 16:27 on 25 July 2004  Report this post
Thank you both very much for comments, I may change bits of it, but probably not just yet, as things are hectic. Thanks again,

-Rai-


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