My Love
Posted: 21 July 2004
Word Count: 188
Summary: Flash Outcast exercise
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Oh yes I know they say they tried to help him, but did they really? Did they?
He was different, that they all knew and because of his uniqueness he was never understood, not by them anyway. It was a catastrophe, chaos; no one knew what they were doing. They sent them in yes, but they weren't trained paramedics, just men on horseback playing at being doctors. Clueless, utterly clueless.
I've never loved anyone like that before, he was a one off, and there'll never be another like him. They said we were mismatched, not right for each other, but we were soul mates I know that now.
But God he makes me so mad, why did he do it? I can't understand, someone like him, so kind, so good, so much to offer. I know he wasn’t much to look at and I’ll never forgive myself for not being there, surely someone like him with a near porcelain exterior, should never ever have climbed up and sat on that bloody wall.
But that was my Humpty for you; he dared to go where angels feared to tread.
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Comments by other Members
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 eyeball at 20:51 on 21 July 2004
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Ha, you got me. I didn't twig until 'near porcelain exterior'. Very funny.
Typo: you could do with a full stop or ; after 'soul mates'
Sharon
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 crowspark at 23:03 on 21 July 2004
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Just goes to show that there was a lot more to Humpty than a broken shell.
Bloody great.
Bill
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bjlangley at 10:39 on 22 July 2004
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Excellent. Brought a huge grin to my face. I wrote a short story once about a detective investigating the case of Humpty Dumpty, with evidence pointing towards a push. I cannot remember how I ended it, or indeed where I put the damn thing.
All the best,
Ben
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 Dee at 22:37 on 22 July 2004
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You've got to be yolking!
Nice one Julie. Didn't get it until the last line.
I know he wasn’t much to look at what and I’ll never forgive myself for not being there
Is there a surplus 'what' in there?
Dee
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.jpg) Jubbly at 22:46 on 22 July 2004
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Thanks all, just a laugh really. Great pun Dee, caught my eye as soon as I logged on. Yes that what is a typo, silly me. This is going into my lift show, just got back from the launch party, stupidly decided to drive so didn't get to sample all the lovely free bevvies, great fun though, lovely supportive people.
Cheers
Julie
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TheGodfather at 17:59 on 24 July 2004
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Jubbly,
Concise and hidden, until the end. It hooks the reader in there.
TheGodfather
"but we were soul mates I know that now." --> two sentences here, run-on
"so mad, why did" --> "so mad. Why did"
"to look at and I’ll never forgive" --> "to look at, and I’ll never forgive"
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Account Closed at 09:06 on 26 July 2004
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Hi Jubbly,
Fascinating piece of flash-fiction here. I liked how you emphasised "they" twice, in the opening line. That had a great way of impacting the words to the reader.
The way you've manipulated the reader's affection then twist the realisation to Humpty Dumpty is a master stroke of writing. Really liked it, and it made me smile.
Ste
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Account Closed at 09:42 on 30 July 2004
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Brilliant Julie, The shorter the better! I knew it would have a twist but I didn't find it.
Elspeth
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