Login   Sign Up 


The Ghost in the Attic

by Sue 

Posted: 09 July 2004
Word Count: 717
Summary: This is the start of a short story, a children's ghost story, I am trying for Writing Magazine. Complete beginner but thought I'd have ago. Your comments would be very welcome. Will try and complete very soon. Many thanks for reading. Sue

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

So this would be our last house then thought Becky. At 8 years old she had now moved three times and was completely fed up of it all. She had made and lost friends, had never had a really close friend and though she had promised to keep in touch with a couple of classmates from her previous school she probably never would. Why bother, there would be no chance of going back up there and she would probably feel left out. She never mentioned it to her mum or dad though as all the moving was because of her dad's work, "to do with planes" he had once told her. They moved to be near whatever factory he was at. Now he had deceided to stay at this one so they had to find a place nearby.

Moving from their modest 3 bedroom semi on the outskirts of London this place looked hugh. It was in the middle of wide open counrtyside. Her parents had raved about it. Said it was Georgian or something and had a basement, swimming pool and stables. She contained her excitement as she looked at. Didn't want to seem too eager to get started exploring the place did she.

"We're going to look around inside" mum said. "Why don't you go and explore the gardens but do keep away from the swimming pool. I'll shout you when we've finished".

"Okay mum".

Becky had seen something that had caught her eye, a door in a wall. As a very curious 8 year old that's were she went. Creaking the door open she was disappoingted to find that it was completely overgrown but she could sense in her head what it once looked like.

She shook her head, a little confused abour what had happened then and suddenly realised that her mum was shouting her.

"I'm overhere, coming" she shouted back, just as her mum came round the corner.

"What did you find. Anything exciting?"

"Just a very untidy garden behind a door".

"Show me when we move in maybe we can do something together to it. Right shut your eyes".

Becky opened them to a high entrance hall with a sweeping staircase disappearing into the upper floors. She gasped at the beauty of it all and suddenly felt very small.

"How many floors has the house got?" she whispered, not realising that she was.

"It has a basement, this floor - are you counting - two floors of rooms and then a whole floor of small rooms at the very top. That floor was once used for servants now they are just called attic rooms. So, how many floors?"

Counting hard, pointing at her fingers as mum went through the different floors, "5!" she exclaimed.

"Yes! off you go then and explore. Chose your bedroom and mind your step in the attic rooms."

At a sprint she was off. Her hand glided up the banister. She dashed into every room and eventually found her bedroom at the back of the house overlooking the walled garden.

To the right of her bedroom door was a small flight of very plain stairs. She started up them and came to the attic rooms. They were, as mum had said, very small. Only enough room for a bed and they each had a small window but she had to stand on tip toe to look out of it. In the last room she could just see the wall of the garden.

As she stood in the room she had a feeling like she knew where she was. Again she sensed how the garden looked at one point but this time it was joined with a sense of how this room was once and who owned it. Having no idea of how long she stood there, she was suddenly aware that her mum was shouting her again and noted, with alarm, that she sounded a little worried.

"It's okay mum, I'm here in the attic rooms. Coming down now. Let me show you my room."

The feeling had passed as soon as she left the room. When she got to the bottom, she glanced back up the stairs and stopped. Who is that? she thought to herself. She didn't feel scared though. She just smiled and waved.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Anna Reynolds at 15:57 on 15 July 2004  Report this post
Hi Sue, just seen your note in the Group Forum about this story and had a read through. It's hard to make too much comment without seeing where it goes from here, but what really interested me was the background to what I assume will be Becky either becoming a ghost or merging in some way with one, a kind of mirror- story. Becky's loneliness and isolated life, a sad, friendless existence feels like just the right ground to lay to introduce this kind of story- a little lost girl maybe finding someone from another world? hard to tell yet whether they'll be benign or malicious, and in fact, has she just passed her self on the stairs? Creepy thought. There are polaces where I think you could watch out for repetition or maybe make the details of the place a little more interesting, but the sense of building up a story is definitely there and I'd like to see what happens next.

crowspark at 22:20 on 16 July 2004  Report this post
Sue, I enjoyed your story. I found it drew me into the wonder of exploring the house through Becky's eyes.

There are a few typos which need some attention and some sentences might benefit from being broken up a little.

Yes I would like to know what happens next.

Great stuff!


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .