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RLG 7 - No escape

by joanie 

Posted: 08 July 2004
Word Count: 76
Summary: Not sure about this one really, but I didn't want to miss the RLG!


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It remained unseen in the morning mist,
travelling at speed
through the trees.
I felt the rush of air –
only the hairs of
my neck confirmed its presence.

Invisible. Invincible.

I was
alone
with its muted ferocity.

Silence. Stillness.

Shallow breath
barely heard
hanging …

Vulnerable. Naked
in its presence.

Again, the rush of air –
my eyes strain to glimpse
some tangible thing

but my senses are enveloped
in the mist
of my guilt.






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Comments by other Members



olebut at 20:11 on 08 July 2004  Report this post
Joanie

panic not this works very well I think the difficulty is that the first lines have a rhthym of their own and by default almost force a style of poem which it is hard to break ( yes I now a lot of people will say of course they have but they seem to seduce you into a particular way or style to follow them and not all first lines do that.)

however I think you have produced a good piece your use of layout adds very much to the images and almost blackness of the words it certainly gives one the images of black nights, black woods and swirling mists I just can't quite hear the wolf cry

I like this very much

take care
dvaid


joanie at 21:43 on 08 July 2004  Report this post
Thank you David. I appreciate your comments.

joanie

bjlangley at 11:53 on 09 July 2004  Report this post
Hi Joanie, I think it works well. You've created an atmosphere of knowing something else is out there, and the fear that goes with it.

All the best,

Ben

joanie at 15:54 on 09 July 2004  Report this post
Thanks, Ben!

I have to say that I struggled with this one, but I was determined to write something, and I can't do short stories - well I've never tried really!

joanie


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