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Leaving Tonight

by john g 

Posted: 06 July 2004
Word Count: 30


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Leaving Tonight

Itís December the weatherís cold
Like my eyes,
The tears have frozen there
Like the words she said

Can she have meant them
Or was it merely pride?






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 19:03 on 07 July 2004  Report this post
John G..short and to the point. Well use of the words and leaves the reader hanging, waiting. Like that.

xx Alice

Sam Rix at 20:25 on 07 July 2004  Report this post
Hi John,

This is really, really good, I loved the first five lines, words used as barriers of pain, gates left open enough to allow a glimpse of the hurt inside and no more.

And the last line as Alice says leaves you hanging, wanting, needing to know just a whisper more.

The last line seems to soften, it's as if the cold in this moment dissipates just too soon.
Can I offer that maybe 'merely' is the word that regulates the temperature of the line.

Something like 'bitter pride' or twisted pride' or another might inject the searing chill back here, if that is what you intended?
Iím probably off base from what you want here, as interpretation in the eye of the reader often stray from that of the writer who gives life to that sacred work. (No offence intended my friendÖ)

Heal well, remember in the cold of such a night, that the Sun will warm your soul in the light of another day.


Love and luck to you and yours

Steve




Ticonderoga at 14:42 on 14 July 2004  Report this post
I call photographs and these types of memory, 'frozen moments'; this is a very beautiful one.

Best,

Mike


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