Login   Sign Up 


Audiville Times small ads V

by Audiman 

Posted: 06 July 2004
Word Count: 224

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Flaming crucifix, voodoo dolls, souls of burning demons, eternal lies in serpents’ eyes, call before 9, or preferably at zenith of full moon, reasonable pact can be agreed, also child’s bike, ashes.

Chest freezer, very cold, very effective, will swap for Kenwood Breast Defroster, £21.

Hard of hearing? Immobile? Digital pop-in scooter, put it in your ear and forget about it, heavy, hurts, hence £22.

Nuclear oven, well-done meals in seconds, also very, very large plot of unhabitable land the size of Bradford, in Bradford, call me on my mobile (landline down).

Child’s piano teacher, impatient, alcoholic, violent, sadistic, unstable bastard, hence £3, refs available from Home Office.

Furniture mover, light items only, e.g. children’s chairs, small distances preferred, e.g. same room, from £11.

Fridge-freezer, relocation forces sale, as no longer able to find, also unable to locate table, chairs, children, no reasonable offers of help refused. Please, God, help.

Laura Ashley car, in deep cherrywood, with six lattice, leather high-back dining chairs, lace engine, totally impractical, but great conversation piece, £38.

Aston-Martin Lagoona, very wet, too wet (God, it’s wet), also scuba gear, £46.

Get your dog groomed and dressed in time for Easter. Easter Sunday is only six days away! Time is running out! Call immediately or risk disappointment.

Italian, real ox-blood leather suite, ox legs and stomach too, in onyx, £53.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

crowspark at 22:46 on 25 October 2004  Report this post
Hi Audiman. This is very funny. Love the nuclear oven in Bradford and child's piano teacher. Would like to buy the Kenwood Breast Defroster but I only have £4.25. Doesn't that just say it all?


CheekyGrin at 11:05 on 11 November 2004  Report this post
What a bizarre concept! - but I like it. Several of the ads made me chuckle. I'm not quite sure though what it aims to achieve apart from humour.


Audiman at 11:12 on 11 November 2004  Report this post
Partial world peace and an end to famine in Lincolnshire, Simon.

paul53 [for I am he] at 15:10 on 06 March 2005  Report this post
Finding these has been a joy. Much reminded of the [apparently true] advert that stated:
"Wanted: Explosives Expert. Must be willing to travel vast distances at short notice."
More, please.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .