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Regress
Posted: 02 July 2004
Word Count: 105
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A second glance at an old nightmare:
First impressions and no words written.
The same faces caught on camera;
The same unanswered question.
An obsolete obsessive
Stood throwing stones
At eggshell perfection.
Isolation for a four letter word:
Humanity encapsulated in cliche.
Too caught up in each other
To survive to save themselves.
Living for a wasted alcoholic dream,
Dreading the terror that arrives
With the realisation of truth.
It's easy to be soothed by cool lies
And a caressed betrayal.
Calmed by kisses and amnesiac affection.
A life of ignorance and compromise
Deception and forgotten promises,
But I am lonely and lost without you.
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Comments by other Members
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 roovacrag at 18:13 on 02 July 2004
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itcam. Very well written,well composed and produced.
Every stanza was good. Read easily and flowed well.
xx Alice
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olebut at 20:14 on 03 July 2004
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Regress
firstly welcome to Write words I started reading this and had the impression that the writer was addicted to alcohol then got to the second part of the second stanza and still thought I was right when I read the last line I thought perhaps they were grieving over a lost love but then equally that coud also be alcohol a fine peice powerful and emotional
take care
david
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itcametomeinadream at 18:01 on 04 July 2004
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Thank you both for the comments :)
This is actually something I wrote a long time ago, and one of the few things I ever thought worth keeping.
Plus you pretty much hit the nail on the head with the two themes you mention, David, so I guess I must be doing something right ;)
Andy
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deblet at 22:25 on 05 July 2004
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hi itcametomeinadream (great name)Andy
Welcome to Write Words!
In Regress, I especially liked:
An obsolete obsessive
Stood throwing stones
At eggshell perfection.
Almost haiku, arresting, visual, a bit like an image of eternity somehow. Or of how we treat ourselves, each other and the planet. Gutwrenchingly sad.
I also liked the emotional honesty of the last line (I like poems that end with an emotional punch). I suppose I would have liked more visual images preceding this punch - I think that would have made it stronger - but that's just me.
It still makes me feel something reading it, which is the best a poem can do in my books.
write more!
deblet x
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itcametomeinadream at 18:21 on 06 July 2004
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Thanks for the advice and encouragement deblet :)
I agree that the more visual images seem to have a greater impact or are more memorable. I will keep this in mind with the next thing I write. Perhaps I fall into the trap of trying to tell people things rather than letting the reader imagine them...
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Bobo at 14:53 on 16 July 2004
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Hi Andy
I've read this numerous times and got something different from each reading. There is so much beauty in the piece - it has such an exquisite quality which is quite breath-taking, and yet is holds such such intense sadness. The one constant thing I take away after each reading is a painful knot in my stomach - truly powerful writing.
BoBo x
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