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by The Walrus 

Posted: 30 June 2004
Word Count: 125

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As sure as night follows day…

From smeltdown in pain’s furnace
it was slammed onto the hardness of adversity’s anvil,
to be shaped by the solidity of learning’s hammer.
And so was forged the intricate key to my pleasure.

Your architect of downfall
studied, extensively, at the school of sorrow
and graduated finally, with distinction,
from the university of survival.

His salt lake of tears skimmed
by the sugared lips of her smile.
Her rising demon emerged radiant
from the chrysalis of his fallen angel.

And all our tears merge
into the same oceanic blueness,
our laughter mirrored by the moon -
the stars – twinkling reminders
that black bows to white.

Die today and live forever,
Venus remains loyal
to those with lion hearts.

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Comments by other Members

Fearless at 17:37 on 30 June 2004  Report this post

a powerful, telling lyric. Liked the strength of sensation in the first stanza, as well as the imagery of the third. The last two stanzas? Well, yes, axioms. A very, very good piece. Good title too.

You write well Red, so write on,



roovacrag at 17:43 on 30 June 2004  Report this post
Red... Every stanza said it all.
Loved the first stanza as I saw the furnaces burning white hot metal.

Just as the heat and the melting flows through veins.

Yes venus does remain loyal to those with lion hearts.

Great one red daughter.
I am proud of you.
xxxxxxxxx Red mum

The Walrus at 08:55 on 01 July 2004  Report this post
Fearless, Stan, thanks.


miffle at 23:32 on 01 July 2004  Report this post
Walrus, loved:

the stars - twinkling reminders
that black bows to white

A few thoughts:

* Found the narrative thread of the poem a little hard to follow partly I think because the subjects it/ my / your/ his / her/ our alternated so... but then I am sure that you had a reason for using each one.

* Wondered if perhaps you could make use of capitals in some places (?):

'Pain's furnace' / 'Adversity's anvil' / 'School of Sorrow'

i.e. many of your abstract nouns have taken on character here... A capital would personify (well, I suppose less subtley though...) Or perhaps that is too 'medieval literature' ;-)

And so was forged the intricate key to my pleasure

Well now, what a birth! Reminded me of 'Tyger Tyger'... The whole of the first verse had an epic feel to me, especially this line. Made me think of the word 'trilogy' and also of 'The Lord of The Rings'. Did wonder about the word 'intricate' (?) 'Intricate' to me suggests 'delicate' but then yes, delicate things are forged in fire...

Striking imagery - as ever a strength. Forge ahead, Miffle

The Walrus at 09:28 on 02 July 2004  Report this post

Thanks for your comments - I'm not surprised you found the narrative thread a little tricky to follow. I deliberately used the 'I', then 'you', 'he/she' and 'we' structure to echo the universal truth element. Not entirely convinced I succeeded tho.

Caps for some of the abstract nouns, yup, think you're right.

Thanks again.

The Walrus

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