Login   Sign Up 


Crocodile fears (another tribute to Spike)

by joanie 

Posted: 29 June 2004
Word Count: 165
Summary: An attempt in the style of Spike Milligan.

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

I've had a crocodile for tea
or rather he had me.
His disregard for cucumber
was plain for all to see,
so I tempted him with butter beans
spread out across my knee.

He overlooked the légumes and
went straight for the patella.
He's not too keen on pulses and
afraid of salmonella
so I let him go on munching
'cos he's such a jolly fella.

I felt a squiggy swizzling
in the region of my toes,
so I looked into my socks and
found he'd nibbled off my nose.
Shall I invite him back again?
Let's just see how it goes.

I would take him out to dinner
at pertwunkling pounds per head,
but because he's just a crocodile
he'd take that as it's said
and chomp away quite happily
until my guests were dead.

I'm entertaining twenty
at a quarter past the moon,
so if I feel hospitable
I'll telephone him soon,
but this time I'm insisting
he must always use his spoon.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

roovacrag at 19:34 on 29 June 2004  Report this post
Joan this is great piece. You did it very well.
Spike would be proud of you.
Well done.
xx Alice

LONGJON at 21:11 on 29 June 2004  Report this post
Hi Joan,

Wonderful! Isn't it fun to just let down the barriers and revel in a bit of nonsense. Thoroughly enjoyed this - maybe we could have another section on the site for Lewis Carroll / Spike Milligan inspired work?

Take care

John P.

joanie at 21:45 on 29 June 2004  Report this post
Alice and John, Thank you! Yes, it's good to 'go for it' and have a bit of fun! I enjoyed this. Thanks for your response.

gard at 23:29 on 29 June 2004  Report this post
Hi Joanie

lovely! You know I think one would be great for kids as well?! Yes I am sure Spike would be proud and laughing too!


Nell at 11:50 on 30 June 2004  Report this post

Wonderful - lovely word play - patella sounds like some sort of pate (you'll have to imagine the accent as I can't do them on here) or spread, and a quarter past the moon should be adopted as a definite time immediately. I can tell you had much fun with this, and it was great to read too. I've yet to do mine, and you've made it look so easy, although I'm sure it's not!


joanie at 12:57 on 30 June 2004  Report this post
Thank you Gard and Nell. Much appreciated!

G, I agree about being great for children. I was imagining children's pictures of a crocodile munching kneecaps as I was writing.

Nell, there is a way of doing accents using the alt key and various mumbers on the number pad. I can't do it on my laptop (which I am using at the moment)because I don't have a separate number pad, so I'll send you the details later when I can check it out, if you are interested.

Thank you both again.


olebut at 08:11 on 01 July 2004  Report this post

a very snappy piece

take care


joanie at 23:29 on 01 July 2004  Report this post
Thanks David! 'snappy'! Ha Ha.....

Myrtle at 09:48 on 07 July 2005  Report this post
Hi Joanie,
I think this has tons of potential for children. As well as Spike it made me think of Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes (only it's not as revolting, so it would be a good one for a younger age group, reading aloud with a parent). I think you could extend it quite significantly, bringing in more body parts...ie. offering the croc various tea-time treats but having him chomp on a body part instead, until the poor narrator is a shadow of his former self.
Nice one, Joanie. Definitely worth pursuing.

joanie at 23:16 on 07 July 2005  Report this post
Thanks, Myrtle. That's interesting; I appreciate your reading and commenting. I'll have to think some more about this poetry for children!!


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .