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Audiville Times small ads II

by Audiman 

Posted: 23 June 2004
Word Count: 152

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Feeling alone? Your perfect partner may be living in your own home! We will introduce you to your wife or husband, finder's fee applies.

Shady, untrustworthy character seeks your property.

Bomb-disposal man, semi-qualified, be quick, fading fast.

Unique steam iron, full of wee, amaze your colleagues, empty the pub, your gateway to vagrancy for only £1.

Ill-advised home improvements, Russian-Stepped patio, revolving loft, padded cell, boating-lake bathroom, Cutty Sark conservatory, medieval dungeon and Big Dipper staircase, no reasonable offer refused, bumper boxed set of Changing Rooms videos thrown in.

Goodmans karaoke machine, unwanted children's Christmas gift, used over and over again, huge dent, slight bloodstaining and evidence of brain matter, otherwise fine.

Fortune-telling kit, reduced to £2 owing to anticipated selling difficulties.

Broken door, do not use this door, except for purposes of entry and exit from room, thank you.

Rocking chair, no longer rocks, also no longer a chair, hence £34.

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Comments by other Members

Al T at 08:29 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
Don't know why Audiman, but found the rocking chair strangely hilarious.

Write on,


Grinder at 09:08 on 23 June 2004  Report this post

I agree with Adele on he chair, I also loved the ‘fortune telling gift’ and ‘revolving loft’.
Not sure the MIG-welded baby worked though?

Made me laugh, thanks for posting.


Jumbo at 11:02 on 23 June 2004  Report this post

I liked this. You should get a job writing copy for e-bay!

My favourite - Bomb-disposal man!



Account Closed at 11:22 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
More good uns, Audiman. Like Grinder, not sure about welding. Liked fortune teller + rocking chair

Audiman at 11:34 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
OK, thanks. Comments taken on board. Have replaced MIG-welding with the karaoke machine.

Account Closed at 11:36 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
Yes, I can relate to that!

tinyclanger at 12:01 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
Yup, the fortune teller and chair did it for me, too.
And the find your partner- lovely touch of pathos.
What a strange world you've created Audiman! I was a bit thrown by these insights when they first began to appear, but long may they flourish. They make me feel slightly odd...claustrophobic and surreal....And they're very visual, I get cinematic images as I read...(am I mad, or are you?)
Very, very clever.

Audiman at 12:12 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
I'm sorry, everyone. My entry to this site has been like a family of rabid pigs into a quiet, Sunday-morning market. Perhaps I'll do some poetry.

ShayBoston at 13:08 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
Every bit as good as the first batch.


SamMorris at 14:14 on 23 June 2004  Report this post
I loved the karaoke machine line. As someone whose idea of hell is being forced to listen to, or even sing karaoke (shudder) that really made me laugh (and spray my keyboard with sandwich).

Keep them coming, for me some lines work better than others, but I guess comedy is always a personal thing. They always add up to great lunchtime reading material. I mean that as a compliment.


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