A Tony Blair, 58, lookalike last night denied that far-reaching and disturbing new laws had been sneaked through under cover of the war in Iraq. Speaking on the new annual Dress Your Pet as a Rabbi Day, Pav Lovsdogs, 74, sporting a French translation of the lyrics to Agadoo on his buttocks, called for Blair’s detractors to be boiled in Tippex.

They have pointed to the new Dwarf Slavery Act, The Westminster Happy Whoring and Gaming Act, The Ugly Sisters of Buxton (Marion and Jean, This Means You) Ducking Stool Act, and the I’ll Sort Out that Horizontal Husband-Filching Whore From Number 36 and Piss on Her Grave Regulations (Amended) 2003, as evidence that the put-upon PM, 62, may be feeling the strain of conflict.

Lovsdogs was confident that besieged Blair, 64, would also deny the allegations, once his Navy had liberated Cardiff from the invisible snow-otter and rushed through the first recorded knighthood of a dead swan.