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by fevvers 

Posted: 15 May 2003
Word Count: 99
Summary: I don't know if it's helpful to know this is from a sequence I'm working on called "Year". Yes, it is 12 poems and each poem is named after a month of the year.

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I would give you light
this Christmas
a bag of light.
A paper bag so full
it would burst its
toughened seams
to let the light
I wish you
take your heart
in its vibrant beam
and lift you
high enough
to see
that where you end
a light begins.

I would give you song
this Christmas
a breath of song.
A simple breath so deep
it would burst my
shallow lungs
to let the song
I wish you
take your heart
on its fragile air
and move you
far enough
to hear
that where you start
there’s singing.

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Comments by other Members

llydstp at 16:07 on 16 May 2003  Report this post

I've never read a poem that conveyed so strongly and simply, one person's love for another.

Every single word of it made me share the absolute joy of your love.



fevvers at 17:08 on 16 May 2003  Report this post
Thank you Steve, I'm glad it's able to touch people in the way it touched me when I wrote it. Love poems are one of the hardest, but thankfully most commonplace, poems to write.

Hilary Custance at 15:17 on 22 May 2003  Report this post
Hi Fevvers, I loved the accumulation in this poem, the way it swelled at each line, so that although it is very self contained, it has the quality of a silent firework. I would love to read more of the months - or others. Cheers, Hilary

fevvers at 21:11 on 22 May 2003  Report this post
Thanks Hilary for your lovely comments, I like the analogy of a silent firework.

I'll be posting more of the sequence up in time I'm sure


Lisa at 13:13 on 31 May 2003  Report this post
Gentle and exquisite. That's all I can say.

fevvers at 16:11 on 02 June 2003  Report this post
Thanks very much Lisa for your very kind comments.

I think it's emotion (and it's gentleness) is evoked in it's use of simple language which is one of the things I meant when I was looking at your Still Life.

You have the quietness of a still life juxtaposed with the subsumed anger and violence of the reaction to the operation and the point where I think this is so powerful is in your lines with the most simple language.

Thanks again

olebut at 16:16 on 02 June 2003  Report this post
I think that this would be the Christmas to end all Christmas presents magical and beautiful what else could anybody ask for

take care

fevvers at 18:09 on 02 June 2003  Report this post
Aw shucks

LONGJON at 01:55 on 10 June 2003  Report this post
Am I right in assuming that the first lines in each verse mean "I would - if I could"? The middle lines are intriguing too, almost like a catch in the voice, a realisation that some things just will not be possible.
Succinctness can so easily become sterility can't it - well done for avoiding it.

didau at 14:06 on 10 June 2003  Report this post
like the bursting 'paper bag' image - seems to capture the excitement of chistmas?

Reminds me of 'Valentine' by Carol Ann Duffy - but that'sa a good thing, n'est pas.


Ellenna at 08:31 on 13 June 2003  Report this post
Simply expressed and exquisitely beautiful....a deep expression of love


snoozy at 21:00 on 30 July 2003  Report this post
Hi Fevvers,

I love this, its gorgeous. Especially the idea of a bag of light, like a hidden wonder in an old brown paper bag.
It certainly puts the person you're writing about rather angelic, where they end light begins as though they are the light, and where they start its so wonderful that there is song.

I have posted some work and would love to have your criticisms of it if you ever have a mo.


Fearless at 10:37 on 21 August 2003  Report this post
Gently devastating. Thank you.


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