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Whispers of a Mind

by Rai15 

Posted: 02 June 2004
Word Count: 166
Related Works: Beautiful Blue Eyes • Cary • 

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Atop a grassy hill
in the peak of a storm
a figure lays unconscious
her white wings sodden
trailed behind her.

She fell from the sky
straight down to the earth
just like a rag doll
hopelessly caught by the forces
working against her.

Struck by lightning
she lost all consciousness
so she plummeted
cracks of breaking bones
as she hit the ground.

So there she lies
on her right side
facing the foot of the hill
turned away from the trees
soaked all through.

Her face, so pale yet perfect
streaked with darkest brown hair,
blackened by the rain
She looks so peaceful
droplets trail, glistening, across her skin

Her strong arms, lifeless and limp,
shimmering with beads
of moisture, as her body gets colder
Shoulders slumped, she is not shivering
but perhaps she dreams

As the winds scream through the trees
it carries echoes, sweeping down the hill,
whispers of a mind, a voice repeats
stricken by fear, paralysed in panic
“Where am I?”

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Comments by other Members

poemsgalore at 18:40 on 02 June 2004  Report this post
How wonderful Rai, very descriptive and the detail is amazing, especially the verse :
"So there she lies
on her right side
facing the foot of the hill
turned away from the trees
soaked all through." It brings the image to life.

Rai15 at 18:44 on 02 June 2004  Report this post
That's great, thank you, I really wanted people to be able to see her. The very end may seem a bit odd, but I'm planning on writing another poem to explain this. Thanks again,


roovacrag at 16:30 on 03 June 2004  Report this post
I loved this. Visulised it perfectly.
As Kathleen said and i agree with the words she chose.
So there she lies on her right side.
You astound me often with your poems.
I think its time to send some off to publishers.

Lots of magazines,although i find most are more like books.
Looking for new talent and young talent.
Try it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx Alice
(you desrve more kisses) ;0)

Nell at 15:34 on 13 June 2004  Report this post
Rai, I've arrived here from Beautiful Blue Eyes having missed this when you posted. I can only echo Kathleen and Alice - this is extraordinary, yet you made me see her - and for a moment to believe too. Brilliant - as Alice says, perhaps it's time to send some poems off to mags.


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