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You & I

by Sara 

Posted: 27 May 2004
Word Count: 274


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Call it fate Itís appropriate out paths were written in the sands on the beach that runs along the sea of time. It was written for all to see that you and I were meant to be. If that day had not been that one, some future event would have crossed our paths and made our cold hearts melt into one.

Do you see what we have has just begun, I donít want a life of endless nothings I just want us to be one. Each day gives us a new life and new beginning to show each other what we want for eternity.

Lust comes but love stays and I love you in every way, mentally Im connected to only you, physically my body only yearns for you. I donít want you to see me as just a friend someone you can live with till your time ends.

Look on me as your everything I know at times Im trying I donít give you the chance to tell me what you want what is in your mind and in your heart. But believe in me like I believe in you and our love will change each day into something new.

Nothing is ever perfect you should know but what we have is something not everyone has, we still have that feeling that keeps us fresh, keeps us alive lets us rest in and know no-one else will consume our minds.

For love isnít just a emotion and respect isnít just what we say itís the actions and the feelings that pass between us everyday, these are what make us happy you and I.







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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 18:53 on 27 May 2004  Report this post
Sara .
This is good prose.
Would love to see it extended into short story.
Full of promise and wasted on prose.
Look at it again.
Take it to pieces and rearange, lengthem and add a little more to make it strong.

Work on it. do one draft then put it on WW. then do a second draft after the comments.

You have got something.
Well done.
xx Alice

<Added>

lengthen......... Lousy speller i am.lol

paul53 [for I am he] at 16:05 on 18 March 2005  Report this post
Here's the final stanza in one line form [there are many others]:

For love isnít just
a[n] emotion and respect
isnít just what we say
itís the actions and the feelings that pass
between us everyday, these are what
make us happy
you and I.


As the author, you can decide whether [or not] this empowers the poem and emphasises your feelings.


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