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Little-known medical conditions

by Audiman 

Posted: 26 May 2004
Word Count: 232

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Shared-bowel syndrome: your questions answered

What is shared-bowel syndrome (SBS)?
Shared-bowel syndrome is characterised by two people sharing one set of bowels.

How do I know if someone is sharing my bowels?
Try turning around quickly, or shouting “Is that you, Gwendoline?” Try to come to some kind of leasehold arrangement and extract a reasonable monthly rental for the size of the bowel and the level of interior furnishing provided.

How common is SBS?
SBS is rare. To date, there have been no cases of SBS recorded anywhere in the world.

Sensitive discussion bit
If you suffer from mild abdominal discomfort, bloating or uncomfortable wind, or you suspect there is someone physically attached to your innards, speak to your doctor, a reputable plumber or a qualified tree surgeon.

You should see your doctor, usually with your SBS partner, and discuss your symptoms openly, though it may be uncomfortable to do so, particularly if the chairs are small. Tell your doctor about your symptoms and how they are affecting your daily life, your ability to land one job that pays two salaries, and the fights you are having over the TV remote.

Depending on the severity of the condition, your doctor will either laugh openly or perfom a ‘TUBE’ (Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination). Don’t worry: SBS can be beaten, with a carefully prepared, individually tailored management programme, with aromatherapy, or with a hacksaw.

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Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 10:08 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Anthony at 10:11 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
That's brilliant! Superb! Also, as above

miffle at 12:02 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Like the way that this piece jumps around in tone: one minute I half-think you are seriously concerned about my wellbeing, the next a word like 'hacksaw' jumps in (!) - and a highly-effective word to end on it is too!

Comedy heightened by contrasts I think: i.e such as 'aromatherapy' and 'hacksaw'. Also like the deadpan delivery and bizarre alternating 'matter-of-fact' approach!

Rather disturbing in places: i.e. 'TUBE' (i.e. having watched a drama re. medical incompetancies a couple of nights ago - 'Bodies', very dark) Because effectively, when it comes to health in the end you have to trust someone!

Like the idea that there have been no cases 'to date' - as a nation yes, it seems we like to 'be prepared' (!) and also it smacks too of the media's penchant for scaremongering...

LMF (often referred to by the army) - Lack of Moral Fibre, have you heard of that ?

Clever piece. Miffle

Dee at 15:40 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Man, you are so weird… but I like you!

Where do these little things come from? Have you tried getting treatment? Counselling? ;)

I can see these used as end-fillers in some parallel-universe alternative Readers’ Digest type mag. There must be one somewhere…

Keep them coming. They’re great fun!


bjlangley at 15:49 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Great. I thought this bit was particularly funny:

"particularly if the chairs are small."

Audiman at 16:02 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Thanks, everyone. I have no idea where these things come from, but some days they don't come at all, and these are the days that never end.

ShayBoston at 17:21 on 30 May 2004  Report this post
Very funny Audiman, but no mention of Audiville in this one. Why not state that it's an extract from an article found in the Audiville Medical Journal ... or summat.

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