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Melody of an Alcoholic
Posted: 22 May 2004
Word Count: 53
Summary: My father gave me the insperation though it's not directly about him.
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your habitual melody
elevates tenor that add
aggresive beats to baselines
lingering in the groove
where you sang corrosive lyrics.
you danced a waltz in your
smouldering lair where
nicotine stained notes
interweave your tune.
you drown in your rhythms
with stale beer and nip whisky chasers
immersing you in their
sombre sobriety.
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Comments by other Members
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 Mooncat at 14:15 on 22 May 2004
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Hi Lottie,
An interesting peice. I really liked it.
Best wishes,
Mooncat
<Added>
Sorry - 'piece'
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Account Closed at 19:10 on 22 May 2004
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Hey, this is great - very strong and smoky - I get a very real sense of the man behind the verse. I got a bit lost in line 2 - should it be "elevated tenor that adds"???. It's "aggressive" - just a typo here.
The 2nd stanza is absolutely fantastic - has the hint of a haiku to it and could almost stand alone, such is its power.
I would be tempted to take out all punctuation - ie the full stops at the end of stanzas, and let the words be themselves - they've got the oomph to do it.
Anne B
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Fearless at 20:14 on 22 May 2004
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Lottie
An honest, perceptive account of alcoholism at close quarters, with an almost clinical detachment, capturing the foggy funk of distilled cloud that enraptures, enchants, but ultimately, perverts and subverts. Good rhythm to it too.
You write well, so please, write on,
Fearless
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The Walrus at 18:30 on 23 May 2004
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Hi Lottie
A sad condition to write about but I think you have done it very elegantly. Particularly like the music/dance imagery.
More please!
The Walrus
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Lottie at 19:23 on 23 May 2004
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Thank you to all of you that have commented on "melody of an alcoholic" , I really do appreciate everyone's opinions and advice. I really didn't think that the response would be as such, I am overwhelmed by the encouragement.
Holly, your advice on "tenor that adds it's agressive...." - you are right, it would sound better that way.
Once again, thank you.
Lottie
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poemsgalore at 18:43 on 24 May 2004
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Fabulous Lottie, loved every word, reminded me of my granddad who enjoyed a drink, although he wasn't an alcoholic thank goodness.
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Marlo at 09:13 on 02 June 2004
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Hi Lottie
I really like this one, sadly though it reminded me of a friends dad, and his decline into alcoholism, and its effects on himself and his family.
But that is what I like about poetry, words that express and evoke real emotion.
Great.
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Ticonderoga at 09:43 on 07 July 2004
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Very evocative and close to the bone; some of it reminds me of my past...........terrific piece.
Best,
Mike
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