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Identity
Posted: 22 May 2004
Word Count: 91
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Identity
I looked to my right and could see his muscle bound forearms tattooed with the St Georges flag and an English bulldog. I twisted my dreads furtively. His hand was grasped vice like around the beer glass. Mine gripped tightly around the bottle of lager. There was silence in the pub as we both stepped forward. Then simultaneously we both jumped in the air and clasped our arms around the others shoulders respectively and then with clenched fists punched the air. Goal. Beckham. Enger-land, Enger-land! We shouted deliriously in unison.
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Comments by other Members
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 Friday at 08:44 on 22 May 2004
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Morning Kenny,
With anyone else I would expect a fight, but with you I was thinking where’s he taking us????
Excellent.
It’s something everyone can relate to. Made me smile. Nice bit of Flash. Loved the extreme difference in characters. The title is just perfect.
Loved it,
Dawn, x
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.jpg) Jubbly at 09:49 on 22 May 2004
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Neat little tale Kenny, absolutely capturing the male pub culture in this country, I found it uplifting.
Julie
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 crowspark at 11:29 on 22 May 2004
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Great piece of flash Kenny. A clever pivotal moment "There was silence in the pub as we both stepped forward".
Bill
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 kennyp at 12:28 on 22 May 2004
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Hi Dawn, Julie and Bill.
Thanks for reading and commenting on the piece. Seeing as its the FA cup final this afternoon. I'll be down the pub as as a Londoner supporting Millwall for the day!
Cheers
Kenny
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EmiliaDG at 12:43 on 24 May 2004
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Wow, this is first rate. Beautifully descriptive in so few words - succinct. It has everything a piece of flash fiction requires and more! It is also so wonderfully topical with Euro 2004 fast approaching. I love the surprise ending and I felt it was a very hopefull piece.
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James Anthony at 12:48 on 24 May 2004
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Loved it. Apart from Beckham scoring that is. To make it first class needs to be Owen or Gerrard :)
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kennyp at 15:34 on 24 May 2004
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Hi Emilia James
Thanks for reading and commenting on the piece.
Cheers
Kenny
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Anj at 20:46 on 25 May 2004
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Kenny,
This has a wonderful symmetry to it, moments like "His hand was grasped vice like around the beer glass. Mine gripped tightly around the bottle of lager" (although, forgive me, and perhaps I'm wrong, would "His hand was a vice around his beer glass. Mine was a vice around my lager bottle" have more impact/symmetry or just be too pat?)
Wonder if "I looked to my right" would have more impact as "To my right, I could see ...".
"There was silence in the pub as we both stepped forward." This is a wonderful pivotal point, and I wonder if you did the maths to get it so exactly in the middle of the story?
Thought punctuation might have helped your climax, ie ""Enger-land, Enger-land!" we shouted deliriously in unison."
Brilliant, the way you set us up to expect one thing and then present us with another. And explode our preconceptions. Wonderful.
Take care
Andrea
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Davy Skyflyer at 17:13 on 26 May 2004
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Kenny -
Loved this - nice sunny after noon, daydreaming about Euro champs, then I read this and I'm even more excited now!
Works on many levels, like that other little short you did. As a big footie fan, I see this as more of a showing of the game bringing people together. When Becks puts a free kick away against France, we'll all be jumping up together. Its like the First world war when they came out and played in no-man's land - bringing people who'd otherwise be enemies (or in this case opposites) together through the universal language of football!
Phew! That's alot of emotion from 91 words. Cheers mate!
Regards
Dav
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kennyp at 09:48 on 27 May 2004
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Hi Andrea, Dav.
Thanks for reading and commenting on the piece.
Andrea thanks for the detailed critique and will look at some of the suggestions you offered.
Dav, you're right about football bringing people together. What with all the issues ongoing with the Iraq. Euro 2004 and football can be seen as a anitdote.
Cheers
Kenny
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CheekyGrin at 11:18 on 08 November 2004
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I like the twist at the end - it works well as it's unexpected. Is this part of a larger work or just stand-alone?
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kennyp at 20:36 on 08 November 2004
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Hi cheekygrin
Again thanks for reading and commenting on the piece. This is a stand alone piece although I used the idea and theme for the play I subsequently wrote:"London Calling".
Cheers
Kenny
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lieslj at 16:50 on 27 April 2005
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Hey Kenny,
You been napping? Party's getting going nicely. Come on in and have some fun.
See you around.
Liesl
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