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Gods Of The Night

by kennyp 

Posted: 20 May 2004
Word Count: 89


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Gods Of The Night


I watched as the stony-faced leather-clad figure , shook his head in refusal. Looks of disappointment appeared on the faces of the two individuals now walking disconsolately past me. He flashed a grin at the two women in the figure hugging skirts and wonderbras now beside him and acquiesced as they walked past him. "You alright geez." He nodded in acknowledgement and let me through. Another Saturday night decided on the whims of a bouncer of whether I was coming into the club or not.






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Comments by other Members



bjlangley at 13:23 on 20 May 2004  Report this post
Nice, Kenny, I like it.

I did stumble on the first line though, not sure if it needs comma's around 'stony-faced' or not?

I think the title fits perfectly.

All the best,

Ben

kennyp at 14:05 on 20 May 2004  Report this post
Hi Ben

Thanks for commenting and reading the piece.


Cheers

Kenny

crowspark at 17:23 on 20 May 2004  Report this post
Nice writing Kenny. I think I agree with Ben about a comma in the first line. Also, "A look of disappointment appeared on the faces of the two individuals" might be improved by changing it to "looks of disappointment"?
Great title.
Bill

Friday at 18:02 on 20 May 2004  Report this post
Hey Kenny,

I had no idea who the leather-clad figure was until the end. I liked that.

I had to re-read the first line, perhaps stony-faced could come before leather-clad?

Very enjoyable.

Dawn,x



kennyp at 09:25 on 21 May 2004  Report this post
Hi Bill Dawn

Thanks for reading the piece and commenting. I have taken both your suggestions on board and have amended accordingly.The piece does read better with the changes.

Cheers
Kenny


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