fuck no
Posted: 17 May 2004
Word Count: 293
Summary: this is a really bad poem i think...
but pleaseee i dont want replies that go something like,
'oh, you're beautiful'
cause i really hate that,
comment on the poetry, forget its about me :)
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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.
He calls to ask me out for coffee
I’ve been home all day
Getting angry
Getting desperate
Alone, at home.
So I’ll say sure, I’ll meet you in twenty.
And turn to the cupboards in my room.
I hate the summer,
Its too hot to wear baggy clothes.
But I cant wear nothing.
I have scars across my breasts.
I hide them obsessively.
I did try to embrace them… once
And I got perhaps forty comments,
“what’s that?”
or worse, “that’s disgusting!”
I hate summer,
Too hot to hide them.
Facing the cupboards in my room.
I have thick black hairs across my stomach,
What woman has to hide
That she shaves her stomach?
Needs to twice a day.
My breasts are sagging.
They literally ‘grew down’
And they have tissue problems
Lumps last month were found.
Well I hate summer.
I cant hide away.
But I do…
Still I look the fool.
And then
After I’ve spent a long 10 minutes,
Staring at my naked body
Wishing it would disappear
He’ll call me,
“actually, I cant really bothered”
And he’ll hung up.
Not waiting for my reply.
The same happened with another guy once.
We were sitting in the park,
He started to feel up my top.
I stopped him
Walked off
Told him I’ll message him,
Tell him why he had to stop.
I sent a ‘do you still want to be with me now’ email
After explaining why I was the way I was.
After confessing that it was something I was born with.
My sagging scared breasts.
My hairy bloated stomach.
My sad… sad… face.
And after I sent my “do you still want me”
I didn’t expect a reply.
But I got one.
It simply said,
“fuck no!”
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Comments by other Members
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 word`s worth at 12:39 on 17 May 2004
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Gal,
First I must applaud you for your honesty and courage to be so honest. I was shocked - but not by your scarred sagging boobs or hairy stomach but by the sheer cruelty of the 'fuck no' message. I mean, I don't know why that shocks me - the state of the world today, NOTHING we do to each other should shock me...but I hope to always remain hopeful that there are decent people out there.
I can relate to this on the level that I dislike people revealing too much flesh anyway - unless of course they're on a beach - there's a right time and place for everything - and fashion nowadays with these trousers that fall short at the hips, leaving an innocent passerby with a full view of a butt crack and wishing they could go up to that person and pull their trousers up for them...well it's rather frustrating. ;)
I can also relate to it on the level that I don't have the body that the magazines and media tell me I ought to have. And there are days when I look in the mirror and I hate what I see and don't want to go anywhere not even my back garden...but then there are days when you realise that there are people out there worse off than you - even though you think what you've got is bad. There are those who would wish they had arms even if they were flabby, those who wished they had legs even if they were a little too fat or too thin, those who wished they had breasts even if they were lumpy, stretchmarked or sagging. And still with all that...even those less fortunate than ourselves, find the person who sees the inner beauty and not just the physical image of perfection we are bombarded with. The fuck who texted you 'fuck no' will learn in time and experience the harshness of his own ignorance, perhaps, someone will say 'fuck no' to him - but I'm not a vindictive kind of gal ;)
There is no point in telling anyone that they're beautiful - it's no consolation when you feel like you've been shat on. Perhaps it's better to learn to be thankful for what one has and if anyone should try to make you feel ashamed of your own self-confidence and worth - then you know what to say to them - Fuck No!
Yours flabulously
Nahed
<Added>
i would also change the word 'cupboards' to 'wardrobes'
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roovacrag at 13:11 on 17 May 2004
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Brought a lot of memories back for me.
My late husband was badly scarred as a child. He was terified i wouldn't love him anymore if i saw them.
Instead i kissed them all and continued for 29 years.
It's the person and not the body you love.
Any man who cannot accept you for who you are,then tell them..FUCK YOU.
YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
XXXXXXXX Alicejoy
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The Walrus at 16:10 on 17 May 2004
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Gal, can only endorse Nahed and Alice's comments. This is indeed a brave brave piece.
Everyone's a masterpiece.
Hat off,
The Walrus
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 Nell at 17:10 on 17 May 2004
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Gal, Lost in admiration for your courage. This is one of those poems one never forgets. You had a lucky escape with that $#!+ though.
Nell.
<Added>
Oh, and forgot to say that it's a damned good poem!
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BorderBound at 21:42 on 17 May 2004
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:)
i have to say..i'm really shocked by these feedbacks and emails i've received from people,
you have all really made me smile...
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Marlo at 22:37 on 20 May 2004
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Hi,
The poem made me cry.
It brought back many painful memories.
It was very honest, and being honest, I loved it.
Marlo.
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Taupe at 15:19 on 21 May 2004
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Although you must be gratified by the responses you've received to a poem which you ( defensively? ) refer to as 'really bad', you seem uncertain about how to handle this kind of material: i.e. how 'confessional' to be, and whether it is impossible to read the poem as anything other than a uniquely personal account. Direct, honest, self- deprecating, understandably angry you most certainly are, and your readers are responding to your experience as it touches on theirs. Maybe this, in itself, is enough for you in that you have certainly communicated. You might, though, be interested to read poets whose experience is often not dissimilar to yours but who approach it from a slightly different angle and in different ways. You may have done so already but if not I'd particularly recommend that you take a look at the work of Sylvia Plath, Fleur Adcock, Anne Sexton and perhaps particularly Selima Hill. All four are passionately direct, but there is a control, an artistry, a measure of detachment in their best poems which only serves to
carry them beyond the 'confession' into areas of the imagination where, however painful the subject matter, there is more going on than one would ever find in an agony column, however articulate the person writing in or the 'aunt' replying! I know, though, that in the end it is always a matter of what you want out of poetry whether as a reader or writer.
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Lottie at 15:35 on 21 May 2004
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BorderBound, Hi!
Wow, what an honst and overwhelming piece of work! The speaker comes across as being brave though, keeping up barriers in a sense to protect herself.
Only natural with any form of scarring/disfigurment.
I recently lost my two front teeth whilst eating toffees. Those teeth were one of my best assets that I looked after and now they are gone. I've now had cosmetic dentistry and yes they look as good, perhaps even better, but I always wonder about my new smile! What do people think about my teeth? Can they tell? I know, not quite the same as the speaker's experiences.
Also, these MEN in the speaker's life are not worth it if they can be so shallow and unopen to the values of true love and friendship.
It's very difficult, but try to learn to love yourself and YOUR life, it really does work ;-)
Overall, a very moving piece, I'm going to have to read this again and again.
Best of luck to you,
Lottie
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nudgy at 10:23 on 21 June 2004
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I read your poem and like everyone else seems to be, was impressed with the raw honesty of the writing and fair play to ya for witing it.But, I did not see it as a poem, it seemed to be like a long segment of a narrative just put in lines.Perhaps it's me not appreciating the artistic side, but that's my honest opinion and by no means do I want to drag you down or slag off your writing because I think it's got a lot of value.(And I like writing with the word 'fuck'in!)I'm going to try and find more of your stuff and give it a read and feel free to offer your opinion on mine when I post it.(It is also raw, emotional honesty)Good Luck!
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nudgy at 10:23 on 21 June 2004
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I read your poem and like everyone else seems to be, was impressed with the raw honesty of the writing and fair play to ya for witing it.But, I did not see it as a poem, it seemed to be like a long segment of a narrative just put in lines.Perhaps it's me not appreciating the artistic side, but that's my honest opinion and by no means do I want to drag you down or slag off your writing because I think it's got a lot of value.(And I like writing with the word 'fuck'in!)I'm going to try and find more of your stuff and give it a read and feel free to offer your opinion on mine when I post it.(It is also raw, emotional honesty)Good Luck!
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