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Inevitability.
Posted: 17 May 2004 Word Count: 56
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Inevitability.
Why did it always end this way? The outcome was always the same. My mouth was dry and my head light. I watched as he cut repeatedly with the knife. I walked forward and waited stoically. He turned to me with the familiar mantra. "Chilli sauce, salad?" Another Friday night ended in the kebab house.
Comments by other Members
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Friday at 10:56 on 17 May 2004
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Nice one, Kenny. You kept me wondering. Made me laugh.
Dawn, x
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Jubbly at 15:19 on 17 May 2004
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Nice lead up the garden path of urban life Kenny, let me guess, a kebab shop in Hackney?
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kennyp at 15:39 on 17 May 2004
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Hi Jubbly
Thanks for reading and commenting on the piece. Indeed a kebab shop in Hackney.
Cheers
Kenny
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Anj at 20:25 on 17 May 2004
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Kenny,
Loved this.
Like the others, I was kept guessing. When I realized what it was that always ended the same way, it reminded me so much of distant times, nights out that by the end seemed pointless.
Only criticism, "I watched as he cut repeatedly with the knife". If you could find a way to evoke that way kebabsters have of slicing the meat, it would be a great opportunity for a really powerful image. Wouldn't necessarily give it away.
Great stuff, so short but showed me a whole life of yearning for something that isn't going to be found in a nightclub.
Take care
Andrea
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kennyp at 09:23 on 18 May 2004
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Hi Anj
Thanks for reading and commenting on the piece.
I was actually looking for another decription for:
"I watched as he cut repeatedly with the knife"
To use which was more of an apt description of the motion he uses when cutting the meat without giving away the twist at the end.
Cheers
Kenny
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scottwil at 12:34 on 18 May 2004
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You could try a bit of 'Psycho':
I watched as he brought the knife down again and again, serrated blade cutting raw chunks of flesh.
Good piece, Kenny. Walked right into it.
Best
Sion
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kennyp at 13:00 on 18 May 2004
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Hi Sion
Thanks for reading and commenting on the piece. Will take the suggestion on board.
Cheers
Kenny
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