Transience by The Walrus - WriteWords.org.uk

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Transience

by The Walrus

Posted: 16 May 2004
Word Count: 80

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Strange sounds saturate
as the fierce heat leaves its legacy
to the red earth.
The sun extends his fiery baton
to his lady moon
and as the air hushes its breath,
the world declares ceasefire
in the presence of sunset alchemy.

The first star emerges,
it’s longevity is without question.
Twisted torsos of olive trees
boast a few centuries,
the scuttling lizard, a few years
and the butterfly that just brushed my face,
a day or so of radiant glory.

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miffle at 13:16 on 17 May 2004 Report this post

Walrus, Great poem! Strong, full of heat and fire, elements, things spherical and perhaps an impregnation - the image of the olympian Sun passing the Moon his 'firey baton'!? Loved too the image of 'sunset alchemy' - a blending of colours, a blending of mystery with science/ things seemingly magical.

Yes, a poem full of wonderment, awe and that intangible sense of mystery that as humans we often feel...

And yes, the world is often presented to us (in the Media etc) as revolving around 'us' / 'human centric' but this is not so and this poem seems to me to point this out - quite rightly. And perhaps, here the ego almost dissolves?

Wondered two things:

* do you need 'sunset'- perhaps 'alchemy' alone, in the context of the 'sun' passing his 'firey baton' on to the moon evokes sunset ?

* Also, how might it work without the last verse? Really, I think it is a case of wondering how 'intelligent' / 'flexible minded' (!?) your readers are i.e. perhaps the last verse is an 'explanation' of what is there to be discovered in the poem ?

Just a thought. First verse felt like an aboriginal landscape, second a return to the Mediterranean. Scopey poem. Miffle

<Added>

re. last verse comment: perhaps an alternative (?) i.e. do like the balance that the last verse gives to the poem.