 Nell at 20:46 on 07 May 2004
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joanie - was just about to head for bed when I saw you'd posted yours. Wonderful images - when hate is washed up on the shore/the debris from a world without a heart,/and at its core/the flames are out. Love the way you've made emotions into solid things and imagined them shifting - one sees the hate being washed up, I see it as a horrible blackish grey scum, and the dying core as the earth's core. It's momentous and very much in the same spirit as Frost's poem. Great stuff joanie.
Nell.
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 joanie at 20:51 on 07 May 2004
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Thank you, Nell. It is very much appreciated. Yes, it was a hard one, wasn't it? I suppose that's what makes something great (in the true sense of the word!)- Frost's work seems so simple but yet so hard to emulate.
joanie
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 Lawrenco at 21:28 on 07 May 2004
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Joanie ,I really like this one ,it`s like I would like to bath in it just in case I forget what its about .How you mix innocense, with wisdom,like a childs voice with the adult experiance.I like the ideaology behind it it`s refreshing!
Just a thought should it have a (?),after, love so much?
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gard at 21:50 on 07 May 2004
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Hi Joannie
lovely piece, softer then Frosts version
with a touch of femininity compared to his
gritty tobacco throat toned version...
G
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joanie at 15:28 on 08 May 2004
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Thanks for your comments, Lawrenco and G. I appreciate it.
Lawrenco - I don't think it needs a ? there because it comes later, at the end of the question.
joanie
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tinyclanger at 17:34 on 08 May 2004
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Yup, like this one very much, Joanie. Has a sombre feel yet uses the simple language of Frost excellently to convey the despair at the heart of the piece.
I think the clarity and power of the images are what gives it such impact: "washed up on the shore" "debris" and the empty "core" say so much without for a second being obscuse or overdone. And I like the way 'you' are in the poem. As in 'Fire and Ice' we are in no doubt that it's you, questioning, resolving, condemning.
A super attempt. Very much in the spririt of the original.
x
tc
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Al T at 12:34 on 18 June 2005
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Joanie, I just picked this up on the random read and think it's fabulous! So much energy is wasted in negativity leading to ever more destruction and misery. What a terrible shame.
Adele.
<Added>
PS I love the Frost original.
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joanie at 13:54 on 18 June 2005
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Thanks, Adele! Glad you spotted it - I had almost forgotten about this one.
joanie
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 V`yonne at 11:46 on 17 January 2009
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That is excellent Joanie! So short and powerful and true! Glad you posted the link. Did it ever go out?
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Nella at 16:47 on 17 January 2009
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Really good, Joanie. Very effective.
Thanks for posting the link!
I don't know if I know that Frost poem - I'd better go find it.
robin
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joanie at 20:22 on 17 January 2009
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Oonah and Robin, thanks very much for following the link! No, I don't think I sent it out, Oonah.
joanie
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 FelixBenson at 17:17 on 18 January 2009
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Wow. I really love this. It is a flower of a poem. Quite perfectly constructed. Each line in place. And one you want to read and read. The final lines are so well chosen.
and at its core,
the flames are out. |
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I don't know what the rules are about this kind of thing, but it seems to me the poem stands in its own right, and metre, form structure is to be copied anyway. I will be interested to hear what the others say too...but I really love this.
Kirsty
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Nella at 08:24 on 19 January 2009
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Hi Joanie,
I don't know what a professional poetry professor or poetry editor would say to your query, but my feel is that a poem modeled on another poem can be seen as a poem in its own right. Perhaps it is correct in such a case to give credit to the poet you've modeled it on, e.g. as a subtitle: "after a poem by Robert Frost"
That is, after all, what the poet did who answered that Ted Hughes Pike poem we read over in Flash Poetry, and what the poet on EDP did who had written his poem in the style of GMH.
I think, as Kirsty pointed out, that metre and rhyme are always copied - how many people have written Shakespearian sonnets?! - and that the words are what gives a poem its individuality and legitimation.
And then, the way you've done it, your rhyme scheme is a little different than the Frost poem, and your metre isn't exactly like his.
the debris from a world without
a heart |
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I think this line would read more smoothly without the "the", and if you would make this one line instead of two, you would have Frost's metre (just the second line, then, has only one stress, where his has two.)
And: even an exercise can be so good that it can be a poem in its own right - clearly not all exercises turn out that well, but in your case, I think it has. You've written a beautiful poem here, exercise or no!
Best,
Robin
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joanie at 08:35 on 19 January 2009
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Hi Robin. Thanks for taking the time to reply so fully. Yes, I'm sure you're right. I think it's a thing in the back of my mind which makes me believe it's not really my poem. We'll see what EDP thinks then, perhaps!
joanie
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Xenny at 17:40 on 28 February 2009
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Joanie,
You posted this a long time ago I see, but I've only just found it.
I think it is a rather perfect poem. Sometimes I notice that poems which manage perfect structure, sacrifice something in terms of meaning. But this doesn't do that at all. It's wonderful.
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