|
|
 |
YOUNG MEN
Posted: 06 May 2004
Word Count: 91
Summary: After the style of Robert Frost
|
Font Size
|
|
The destiny of young men
Is forged from shiny metal
Hard beaten to a useful shape
Then polished to fine fettle.
So keen he cuts, so clean and swift,
While held in others hands,
And not a thing he ever knows
When following commands
The law’s the word, the word’s the law
Orders must be obeyed
Only the thundering voice of God
Has e’er this young hand stayed.
Thus has it been for year on year,
Ages and ages past
So shall it be for evermore
Until the die is cast.
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 Nell at 16:47 on 06 May 2004
 Report this post
|
Hi John, momentous thoughts here, and your conviction carries the reader on firmly to the end. The first stanza seems to liken the destiny of young men to a weapon, and the second to describe the unquestioning reaction to orders that is the hallmark of the trained soldier, the mindlessness. I especially liked While held in others' hands...The third stanza made me stop and think; I wondered about the thundering voice of God... and imagined different scenarios that would stay the young hand. I wasn't sure about the use of e'er, I think if it were my poem I'd either remove it or use the full ever, but don't act on my suggestions without being sure that it's right for you and getting additional feedback, as I'm pretty new to this. The last is a positive statement, and here the poet allows no doubt to enter - things will continue as before Until the die is cast. This is very powerful, I can almost see the hand (of God?) casting the die, and what will happen then? There's an ambiguity too in the casting of the die - as in the forging of the weapon, or the throwing of the die - singular of dice? Lots to think about. Great stuff, John.
Nell.
| |
 gard at 17:12 on 06 May 2004
Report this post
|
Hi LongJ
well yet another really good piece of
work from you! excellent rhythm and flow
and the subject is focused throughout
the whole poem. I love the last stanza. ALL
of what nell said applies..
I also maybe thought, the piece has an
classic feel to it.if you removed
the e'rr and did replace it with ever or something
would it ruin the "beat" or syllable
count? I am not sure, but it would
make it more contemporary and very relevent to
today, something that most westerners
could relate to? Though I am sure they
can...I won't go on...
really good piece,
G
| |
LONGJON at 03:22 on 07 May 2004
Report this post
|
Hello Nell, Hello Gina,
Several points - the main reason I used the truncation of 'ever' was to fit the piece a little closer to the earlier and more traditional language of much of Frosts' work. The reference to "thundering voice of God" was to pacifists and
the fact that they suffered a different kind of hell, and without that voice, i.e. conviction, they would have been just like the rest.
The 'Until the die is cast' refers to the end of all things, when all suffer the same fate.
Hope that helps
John P.
| |
Nell at 09:04 on 07 May 2004
Report this post
|
John, Thanks for the explanations, it's revealing to know the poet's intent, although good to wonder too. I did realize that Until the die is cast referred to the end of all things, and liked the ambiguity of the words, although I think the metal image is the one that comes more forcefully to mind as it continues with the ideas that run throughout the poem.
Nell.
| |
 joanie at 16:56 on 08 May 2004
Report this post
|
Very thought-provoking, John. Yes, I fully understand the 'e'er' - it sounds just right. I am reminded again of 'Universal Soldier' and the sad, apparent inevitability of it all. Excellent.
joanie
| |
tinyclanger at 17:12 on 08 May 2004
Report this post
|
Hi John,
I'm late to this, so am really just echoing others..
For me this speaks of inevitability, powerlessness, man divided from his true instinctual self, blindly following until the, (bound to be bitter), end.
Although I'm not that well versed with Frost ( studied v. briefly years ago!) I think you do capture his tone and 'voice'. Especailly the simple tone which flows so easily, and is contrasted superbly by the deep, 'heavy' subject. One to read quickly, but then ponder on slowly!
x
tc
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
