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Orange

by Mac 

Posted: 06 May 2004
Word Count: 48


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Orange

She said she wanted to taste an orange and remember times before war and cancer changed everything. Taking the train to Hull, we bought one from a sailor. She was dead when we got back. Halving the dark rose blood-orange, we felt it weep down our chins.






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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 08:55 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
Wow that is flash fiction at it's most powerful! I can't believe how much you've said in... 48 words. Stunning.

Elspeth

ShayBoston at 08:59 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
I'm no exponent of flash, but this is like a comet. Very powerful.

Shay

Inspiration at 09:06 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
I loved this. The first line is really powerful (well all of them are) and last line dramatically finishes it off very well.

All that in just four sentences.

I'll definitely be trying this out soon.

XXXInniXXX

Skeetr at 14:22 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
Mac, this was powerful. Started off with a nostalgic tone and the shift caused by the startling moment of 'She was dead when we got back' was well done, taking us from nostalgia to grief. Good pacing, images (especially the orange weeping, instead of the people). Good stuff...

Smith

Anj at 15:35 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
Hello Mac, good to see you

I can only echo what everyone else has said - wonderful, especially the "dark rose blood-orange ... weeping".

Take care
Andrea

crowspark at 16:21 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
Hi Mac - very powerful piece of flash fiction. I think everybody has covered my points.
Bill

Seahorse at 19:55 on 06 May 2004  Report this post
And mine. Great stuff though. I like this extra-short stuff, so packed with imagery...

haunted at 20:45 on 07 May 2004  Report this post
I wish i had your talent for capturing the moment. So short yet the mind is able to create a whole world. Perfect.

Louise

Jim Beard at 06:49 on 12 May 2004  Report this post
Tremendous. So much angst in 48 words.

Jim


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