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DEADBEATS
Posted: 02 May 2004
Word Count: 59
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Shattered in a world of hope
nothing left,life untold
what do we say to kids today?
Clear off,go away.
Spray paint,art gone riot
graffiti walls,shat attire.
Cheaky faces,smirks aglow
nothing here,vandals set fire.
Too much money
too much time
brains gone rancid
so cause a crime.
Rich or poor
all the same
dreams all gone
nothing the same.
Deadbeats
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Comments by other Members
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 Nell at 06:22 on 03 May 2004
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Heavens Alice, this is a departure for you! There's a raw feel to it, a feeling of speaking out with no holds barred that makes this very powerful. The last line of the first stanza was a shock, likewise 'shat attire' and the last line/word. The speaker's view comes across strongly, uncompromisingly, I can see a sequence of poems like this with different speakers (both points of view)creating a dialogue. It would be effective and powerful I think.
Best, Nell.
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 roovacrag at 10:06 on 03 May 2004
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Thank you Nell.
Yes you got it in one.
I was annoyed to see all the beauty of our natural park sprayed with foul words.Childrens playground,tennis courts and bowling greens.
I hate to see natural beauty distorted. As an artist i cherish it deeply.
XXX aLICE
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 joanie at 13:16 on 03 May 2004
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Yes. it is annoying, isn't It? I have to keep reminding myself that it's still a minority - there's more good than bad out there!
I agree with Nell - a response from another viewpoint would be good!
joanie
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Al T at 13:22 on 03 May 2004
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Hi Alice, this certainly packs a punch, even if I don't agree with the pessimistic view of the narrator. One typo: cheaky. I like Nell's idea of having another viewpoint. You could structure it like the French structure their essays: thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Just a thought.
Adele.
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roovacrag at 13:55 on 03 May 2004
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Glad i am causing a stir.
A lot of money was raised by children for a wildlife park.
This is not your flowery park,but one where children have planted all wild seeds. Somewhere that students come and relax while they study.
The view is second to none high on the hills.
Joan you got it.......minority.
Poetry in motion.
xx Alice
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Lee Tee Vee at 18:50 on 03 May 2004
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Alice,
Struck a chord with me. Our peace is often disturbed by lambrusco laden youths. Got some community bobbies on bikes now, so there's a glimmer of hope.
Lee x
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