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by Jubbly 

Posted: 29 April 2004
Word Count: 163
Summary: Another shorty

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The old woman lay groaning, her deathly purring only broken by slow faint breaths often punctuated by short rasping gasps. How had this happened? Even the doctors were shocked. She was so healthy for her age, a regular bingo player and partaker of grilled lamb chops with salad. Her only vice, it seemed, a weekly port and lemon.
Now what a specimen of human decay lay before them, bloated, unrecognisable, a monstrosity. The medical world has seen tumours before, some large enough to be wheeled away on hospital trolleys all to themselves after removal from the patient. But nothing ever like this before, “Will she die?” whispered a nurse.

“Perhaps,” said a doctor shaking his head in bewilderment. “It’s such a mystery”

The nervous nurse nodded in agreement, barely able to look at the old woman yet drawn, car crash like to her side.

“I suppose we’ll never know?”

“What?” queried the doctor.

“Why she swallowed the fly in the first place?”

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Comments by other Members

Al T at 18:00 on 29 April 2004  Report this post
Hi Julie, I must say the punch line is pretty corny, but it did make me laugh! Well done! I'm curious though to know why she has salad with her lamb chops and not hot veggies and potatoes? Also, only one port and lemon - how can anyone be so restrained???

Thanks for the entertainment,



Also,I would lose 'often' from the first sentence and replace it with a comma to help the flow.

tinyclanger at 19:08 on 29 April 2004  Report this post
Very very clever, Jubbly, really made me laugh!
I'm hopeless at humour so you have my fullest admiration..it seems to me it's the profoundly clever ideas that are the secret - I could have thought for a thousand years and never come up with this.

I hestated just slightly over the opening, with the groans, purrs , feint breaths and rasping gasps..at first I thought you'd repeated or contradicted yourself... but maybe I just wasn't concentrating fully at that point.

Superb, though!
Enjoyed it .


James Anthony at 21:51 on 29 April 2004  Report this post
Excellent, and so clever. DIdn't see that coming

Account Closed at 22:02 on 29 April 2004  Report this post
Hi Julie,
Have you got that pink Junior Hits album? It was one of my favorites - (still is!) Are you doing a series of children's hits? The old lady who swallowed a fly is great and your story does it justice.


Jubbly at 22:02 on 29 April 2004  Report this post
Thanks Adele, TC and James, it's part of my Edinburgh Festival collection, all the little stories are dreams, dreamt by a couple whose relationship is distintergrating.

Jubbly at 22:03 on 29 April 2004  Report this post
Hi Elspeth,

I do have a junior hits album as it happens. Our postings crossed, so I hope it's all self explanatory.


ShayBoston at 10:45 on 30 April 2004  Report this post
It should be a good show with this kind of material. Are you going to post when and where you're on? Any back stage passes for WW members?


Account Closed at 10:52 on 30 April 2004  Report this post
Wickedly funny. I like the theme that is developing here. Is this a part of your 'Morpheus Descending' play?

I wonder if you've ever read any Neil Gaiman? He is rather fond of doing different takes on fairy tales. Read Snow, Apples, Glass for a really original spin on Snow White. Or any of the Sandman series.

Short, sweet and well...sickly. Good work jubbly.

James x

Jubbly at 17:22 on 30 April 2004  Report this post
Thanks Shay and James. The play is set in an actual lift so they can only fit in about 12 punters and as I'm not producing I don't have any say, however if no one comes I'm sure they'd be delighted to discount. James I haven't heard of Neil Gaiman, how remiss of me, I'll check him out. Funny you should mention the Sandman, the director wants to use his illustrations for the poster.

All the best


Silverelli at 17:59 on 30 April 2004  Report this post
Its so ridiculous its funny.
Thanks for making me laugh, Julie.
Is this what they call British humour?

The first paragraph coats the punch nicely. Funny build-up.


Friday at 18:08 on 30 April 2004  Report this post
Julie, ‘Excellent’, what a punch line. I didn’t see coming at all. I love it. I really do. So much in so few words.
(I’m still laughing.)

Ralph at 13:03 on 01 May 2004  Report this post
Hi Jubbly,

Oh no... Dear goodness. I've always found that rhyme slightly disturbing, but it was only by reading this that I could understand why. It's ghastly in all the right ways...
And so very clever. I didn't expect the punch line at all, but reading through it again I can see how you've worked it in reverse:
"Will she die?"
Laughing out loud all over again now...

I'm trying to remember... was it a horse she swallowed to catch the dog? Yup, that's got to be a pretty big lump...

Wish I could be in Edinburgh to see these soar. And in a lift? Sounds absolutely brilliant.

All the very best with it



Jubbly at 15:07 on 01 May 2004  Report this post
Thanks Adam, Dawn and Ralph, yeah I think it might have been a horse. We were trying to say it to our three year old the other day and the absolutel look of horror on his face inspired me to write it and of course issue a written warning that he must definitely not try this at home.


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