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Without you

by Stacey 

Posted: 07 May 2003
Word Count: 75
Summary: Ok, confession time. I have never written a poem in my life (well, not since I was at school, at least). I had all these emotions built up inside, so sort of let them out in my version of a poem - I am sure it will be greatly criticised, its not the most descriptive piece, but the emotions I am trying to portray mean a lot to me. Even if you hate it, thanks for giving me your time :0)


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I want to see you
So much
It hurts
But please stay away

I am afraid
I am so afraid
Of being near you

I want to touch you
More than ever
Your touch is so familiar
But please donít come near me

I am scared
So very scared
Of touching you

I dream of being yours
Every day
Every night
Every moment

But I know it will never be

We can never be together
Not today
Not now
Not ever

I will have to try to accept that

So will you please get out of my head?







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Comments by other Members



Shadowgirl at 18:20 on 07 May 2003  Report this post
Tears are pouring down my cheeks.......
The emotions were so strong, I had my hnd on my chest too, holding my breath as I read your words. Powerful, powerful words....doesn't matter whether this was your first poem or not, I don't think many have ever moved me nearly as much as this one.
Goodness Stacey - are you all right? I feel your pain. Oh I did not hate it, I assure you, I loved it. I love emotion, I love to be made to feel. Well done - and thank you!

Anna Reynolds at 23:06 on 07 May 2003  Report this post
I really warm to this. It's very economical and painful, but without being sentimental, which is quite a difficult trick to pull off. Why don't you join the poetry group, Stacey? It seems to me you might be writing quite a bit more in the future. The last few lines seemed almost to be from a piece of prose, as if you'd started writing a story almost without thinking... it varies the rhythym, which is interesting... lovely raw emotion. We like!

Stacey at 09:17 on 08 May 2003  Report this post
Wow!Thank you so much Shadowgirl and Anna, your comments are so greatly appreciated. You have made my day! And Anna, I think I might just join the poetry group, although I have never thought of it before, I have now been inspired to do so!
Thanks again.
Best wishes,
Stacey.

bjlangley at 16:44 on 08 May 2003  Report this post
That was really very emotional.

I also found th echange in tempo of the last two lines very effective, and some how final.

Very good.

Hilary Custance at 18:00 on 09 May 2003  Report this post
Hi Stacey, I just read your poem and then wandering around, found you had read mine. What I loved about yours was the hammering quality of the repeated words in the later verses and the emotional switchback at the end. As good poetry can do it stirred up a strange mixture of memories. Thanks, Hilary


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