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Apple Tree
Posted: 25 April 2004
Word Count: 81
Summary: After Anna Akhmatova's 'Willow' - a first attempt!
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And as the days began to lengthen
the pink blossomed against the pale blue sky
and I spent quiet hours under its dappled shadows.
Young and free.
And while the summer's heat took its toll
its heavy branches drooped almost to the ground
and made a darkened cocoon of security.
Contented calm.
But as the first fruits voiced their presence
and swelled until they over-proved themselves
and plumetted to the ground,
Rotted, rotting,
the wasps rejoiced
and I lost my innocence.
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Comments by other Members
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 Skeetr at 09:14 on 26 April 2004
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Good morning Joanie, what a lovely poem to read first thing in the morning.
The first stanza gives such a subtlly fresh (days, pale, quite), pretty (pink against blue) and happy (young and free) vision of childhood. But there is mystery there, too (quiet hours under its dappled shadows), as all great childhoods must have!
I read maturity in the second stanza (time passing, the fruit of nature growing heavy). It seems that life (repr. by the summer's heat?) can encroach but the tree seems to oblige the child/youth by bowing to create a protecting cocoon, rather than withering away in weakness under all the heat.
As I see the last part of the poem, echoes of Eden and innocence lost as the fruit grows too ripe for the tree of childhood to hold. The line "swelled until they over-proved" seems to indicate someone or something lingering too long in this childhood Eden (?).
But the closing image of wasps (a perpetually carefee nature?) enjoy while the child's-eye is bidden to move on...
Really liked this,
Smith
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miffle at 10:09 on 26 April 2004
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Joanie, I like the extended metaphor running through this of the seasons of the tree/ seasons of the speaker's life. I especially liked 'swelled until they over-proved themselves' - is 'over-proved' your own phrase or is it related to plums/ fruits (I seem to recognise it from somewhere!) ? Loved too the appearance of the wasps!
A few thoughts:
* wondered how the poem would work without some of the small words - i.e. 'the' 'and'... ? Had you experimented with a sparser form ?
* having thoughts both ways re. the short last lines of each verse... sometimes thinking do you need them (?) sometimes thinking that they root each verse... Definitely like the emphasis conveyed in 'Rotted, rotting'. Guess broadly speaking it's the idea of 'showing not telling' - sometimes yes, this can be the more powerful approach (not always)...
Of course, these thoughts are not linked to a study of 'Willow' - so if I'm barking up the wrong tree (!) then let me know ;-)
Look forward to reading more, Miffle ;-)
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 Nell at 10:16 on 26 April 2004
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Joanie, I loved the way the poem/speaker seemed to mature with each stanza; from the spring warmth/innocence of the first, through the summer
heat and shaded sanctuary of the second, until with the ripening and falling of the fruit to rot upon the ground somehow the poem changed, the air became humid, the falling/rotting of the fruit a metaphor for loss of childhood/innocence. The wasps rejoiced/and I lost my innocence - incredible image, but evocative somehow of that section of the human race that delights in such events. Just realized I've more or less echoed Smith here - ah well. Great stuff, I'm enjoying the results of our Anna Akhmatova reading - of all our readings.
Nell.
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 joanie at 11:25 on 26 April 2004
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Smith, Miffle, Nell, thank you all for your full comments.
Smith, I hadn't thought of 'over-proved' being an indication that someone had stayed too long - perhaps you're right, yes.
Miffle, I'm not aware that I got 'over-proved themselves' from another source, but who knows what's hidden deep in my subconscious? The ands and buts were a deliberate attempt to do something like 'Willow', although they appear only in one translation, but that's another story!
Yes, I've thought about losing the last line of each stanza but I don't know.
Many thanks again for all your thoughts and encouragement.
joanie
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gard at 15:53 on 26 April 2004
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I love the images in this piece
and the last stanza is beautiful
G
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roovacrag at 16:33 on 26 April 2004
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Joan,
I loved this.
Nice to be young and free.
I loved each stanza.
Then i look at it different to the young.
Lose your innocence when we was young ,was to be in love.
xx Alice
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joanie at 16:55 on 26 April 2004
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Thank you for your comments, Gina and Alice. Glad you liked it.
joanie
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Tuppence at 00:49 on 03 December 2004
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if i were an apple
rotten to the core
the shadows would dapple
am i being a bore?
the worms would engorge me
slay me and eat me
skin and pips left of me
did they think i did not know?
oh fools!
you won't miss me when i stumble
be you next apple crumble
ha ha love ya bry xx
thank you 4 inspiration
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