INSANITY
Posted: 25 April 2004
Word Count: 120
Summary: Because there are no boundaries??
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As I arrived at your house this evening,
The curtain billowed gently out of your window
Beckoning, welcoming
I rang the bell and waited for you to open the door
And looked up at the curtain swaying at your window,
Watching, waiting
You were unusually slow to answer the door, not like you
And I thought the curtain stirred in agitation
Hungry, impatient
You surprised me, leading me upstairs in silence
And I sensed the curtain snapping in the chill wind
Angry, frightening
Then you laughed, the abortion was easy you said
And the curtain rose and fell, rose and fell
Vicious, happy
I snapped your neck in a thundering fury,
And ripped the curtain into useless shreds
Joyous, insane.
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 miffle at 12:35 on 25 April 2004
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Longjon - a psychologically potent, deep working poem...
A domestic drama unravelling where the 'curtain' speaks the clues... I liked this structure (i.e. the curtain) very much - sort of a suburban/ domestic set-up take on pathetic fallacy... Even so, however, I wasn't prepared for the last two verses - wasn't prepared for the word 'abortion' - but then, perhaps that is the point !? i.e. who is prepared for the word 'abortion' (?)
And 'abortion' is the strongest word here (of that I'm sure you were aware) and it strikes me that this poem works because you have managed to place the word 'abortion' without it diluting the rest of the piece... (?). I.e. the rest of the piece in my mind had to be incredibly strong and resonant to support this word - and it is.
An insight into a man's feelings re. personal experience of abortion - which I think is a much neglected/ silenced side of the debate and I suspect that men feel an injustice her, as this poem suggests... * Notably no reference to the male side of the equation in the recent programme on Channel 4.
A violent ending... And my feeling is that it could be literal and/ or a psychological response... Reminded me of 'Porphyria's Lover' in the sense that on first reading the poem the violence at the end shocked me and was unexpected... Also the poem, like yours, is has a deep psychological feel/ truth about it...
'Vicious, happy' / 'Joyous, insane'. I like the truth of this world where emotions are double-edged, tangled-up, ambivalent. I think the commas are strangely important here... Perhaps it is that they keep the idea of swinging from one emotion to another i.e. had you written 'vicious happy' 'joyous insane' as oxymorons (?) this psychological swerve would have been lost (?).
'Insane' an apt word to end on... And yes, it seems that 'Vicious' and 'Insane' refer not only to the protagonists' violently swerving states of mind in this poem but also become, in this poem, social commentary on the act of abortion... And so, the poem, yes, to me, becomes an angry questioning of 'boundaries'... Whilst, steering clear, importantly, of rhetoric.
As you can see, this gave me much food for thought. Write on, Miffle
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poemsgalore at 12:39 on 25 April 2004
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Excellent use of words, I too thought the curtain symbolized everything that was going on in the poem, then that word 'abortion' put in the best place to provide as much shock as possible, as it was just dropped into the line unexpectedly. Great stuff
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The Walrus at 14:38 on 25 April 2004
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Brilliant use of the 'curtain', inspired. Last two words, seemingly contradictory echo well the title.
The Walrus
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gard at 16:40 on 25 April 2004
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Hi JP
this is very intense piece with it being emphasised by the form you present it in. The curtain references seem to indicate an initial air of innocence at not knowing or confusion by you (or the reader) prior to the actual event. But then on reading further, they indicate the wildness of the emotions after the event. Since they are uncontrolled and responding only to the elements rather then being tethered i.e controlled emotions instead of the simmering undercurrent of emotions that are released upon the declaration of the aborition.
Gosh an emotive piece, so inspired of you!
G
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Lawrenco at 23:14 on 25 April 2004
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Existentialist nightmare!Because there are no boundarys.The first two stanzas,don`t allow us to hurry into the victims,fate everything is skillfully chilling after .
I am not sure if I am happy with the moral abandament theme(it never sits well with me) ,or moral confusion from the murderer,the sense of an amoral victim, trifling, abortion.Of course I would of been a lot happier,if he had just left the room.
The lost warped traditionalist versus the woman using her own choice.
There is something psychopathic about him,the clean precision of the neck breaking it is mindfully chilling piece.
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LONGJON at 05:02 on 27 April 2004
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Hello Everyone
Many thanks for all your comments, I have no idea what the derivation of this piece was, have never had to face such a situation as this. I guess that few of us are so in touch with our thoughts that we always know every detail of the mental paths we tread.
Just to restore my place in the collective psyche, the next piece will be as different as perigee from apogee!!
Anyone written a cinquain yet??
John P.
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