CLEPSYDRA
Posted: 14 April 2004
Word Count: 135
Summary: In the mould of some of the Russian poets, such as Akhmatova.
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And now the days sit in my hands
Like the shadows of old money,
Spent and gone.
The ticking of the clock chases me
From room to dust filled room,
Dancing through the godbeams
Through the walls, through the doors
Still the drumbeat follows and I
Want it to stop
NO - no I don’t, for the echoing, chattering
Voice of fear will take its place.
No, it can’t stop, not now.
Is there a single room that I have yet
To find, the one that is not
Painted the colour of fear.
You know the colour, the one that
You chose and painted two full coats
So it would not fade away.
The pallid colour of the death of all things,
Of peace of mind, of love unadorned,
Of happiness, and trust, and hope.
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Comments by other Members
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 Nell at 07:12 on 15 April 2004
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Jon, this really touched a chord, so beautifully melancholy and infused with truth. I keep reading the first stanza - the simile is so perfectly expressive - then through to the last, which seems at first to allow the poem to end on a hopeful note until one reads it again. Compelling.
Perhaps we should study Akhmatova in the Poetry Seminar.
Nell.
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 miffle at 09:52 on 15 April 2004
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Especially caught and held be the first stanza - will re-read a bit later. Like the feel, tone, rhythms very much. Miffle
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 joanie at 10:00 on 15 April 2004
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I, too, particularly love the first stanza. The feelings throughout are wonderful. I feel like can't move on to do anything else until I have just sat for a moment, but then I go back and read it again.
joanie
<Added>
sorry, "I feel like I can't..."
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miffle at 10:01 on 15 April 2004
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Ok, so a few more thoughts for now -
* youth passing? regrets? feeling of squandered life?
* loved the images of 'money' - 'ticking of the clock' - 'drumbeat' -
- seems 3 stanzas linked through images... Strong images, focussed.
* 'godbeams' / 'Godbeams' - (?) guess, both carry different meanings...
* like the recurring 'colour' of the last 3 stanzas and the theme of 'painting'.
Only thought here 'painted two coats' - I found the whole poem had a timeless feel up until this point (?) for some reason this lifted the poem into Homebase land for me (?)i.e. what I really mean is into the Modern - which for me jarred (?)
Great stuff! Write on, Miffle :-)
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Skeetr at 10:12 on 15 April 2004
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Jon, I loved this poem -- all the reasons why have been said so well already above, particularly as to the tempo and tone, the meloncholy infusions, the reflections and contemplations intertwining with what might be inner, what might be out monologue moments "No, no".... etc. I was especially struck by how these two stanzas play off each other:
The ticking of the clock chases me
From room to dust filled room,
Dancing through the godbeams
and
The pallid colour of the death of all things,
Of peace of mind, of love unadorned,
Of happiness, and trust, and hope.
And Nell anticipated my thoughts as I was reading along -- perhaps "we should study Akhmatova in the Poetry Seminar"? or another of the poets that inspired you towards this fine poem? Would you be willing to lead us that way?
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Epona Love at 09:51 on 16 April 2004
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I loved this too. Everyone seems to be able to put it into words better than I could... and every line that you have written seems perfect to me... I liked the 'two full coats' because it seems to emphasise the depth of the feeling and though you speak of fear, it reminds me of pain, layering itself through life... but thats just me I think. The whole poem has a haunted/ haunting quality that reaches my senses deeply. I try to pick a favorite line but each time I read it each line just seems wonderful and each speaks to me equally, resonateing truth. (excuse spelling mistakes I'm sure there are loads but I haven't time to check and wanted to have time to comment!)
Beautiful,
Emma.
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LONGJON at 12:50 on 16 April 2004
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Hello everyone,
You are all so very generous. I don't quite know where this one came from, was sitting at the PC on Thursday afternoon, and just started typing. It was peculiar, like auto writing, there was no conscious formation of lines or ideas. Very odd. Thought there might have been something in the sandwiches I had for lunch!! I had been re-reading some of Akhmatovas' poems the day before - they must have touched a nerve and I didn't realise.
It will be interesting to see some of the ideas about her work in the seminar, she had a hard life.
John P.
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gard at 00:36 on 19 April 2004
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Hi
I am new to the group and am just starting to read peoples work...
Anyhow.. I loved the first stanza especially, so melancholoy, as if an old man is reflecting on his lost youth and the fear of death seems to lace through this piece; the things that are lost the moment the light of life blinks out..that was my immediate feeling, will cogitate further.
Lovely piece of writing.
G
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LONGJON at 22:28 on 19 April 2004
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Hi Gard,
Welcome, and thankyou for your comment.
Have just read 'Bitter Millpond', make sure you keep writing, you are clearly willing to push the boundaries, and that is what it is all about, isn't it?
John P.
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