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by literati 

Posted: 14 April 2004
Word Count: 246
Summary: My first short story comp. entry.

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I became the pink shoe upon your honeyed feet. Kid smooth, punched. Icing sugar and cherry baby leather. Steel tipped stilettos. Sweeping away toward the dance floor. I carried ice blue denim washed, draping myself around your legs, with incredible faith. Following your calves at a respectful distance, and caressing your thighs closer and closer. I encased your curvaceous torso as white gauze, dripping from the shoulder of a goddess. I ran with excitement through the fine threads. I circled your wrists and neck, dancing in topaz and sapphire, borne over emerald seas. I nestled golden and stiff in your midriff, feeling every breath and heartbeat. I became your hair. Lustrous, mahogany polished splinters, lying in folds, imbued with electrifying energy. And then your eyes, chocolate orbs, signifying stillness, serenity. Above them I became a delicate crescent of expression, talking to those that could see. I lay in the tiny folds of your lips, living for every moistening, and closure. I sprinkled myself snowy and glittered, inside your mouth. Each time the sun entered, I lit up, vibrant with desire. I spiralled from your throat, in dulcet song, resonating your words, in lettered pleasures. It was me who wrapped myself around your body, as smooth, dusky pliant skin. Shaped and fashioned in such a way that my heart stopped momentarily, alongside your heart. I became that heart, smiling, loving, and laughing. But, I cannot become your essence, running silver. Visible, then invisible. I cannot, catch it.

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Comments by other Members

Fearless at 20:20 on 14 April 2004  Report this post
WOW Angela, this is great!

Textures, images, accompanied by a sensuous female voice, with an ending that is hint of enigma......reminds me a little (in a nice way) of Nikki Giovanni and Maya Angelou, but your voice is unique, rhythm-a'trippin' words from lips, like drops of honey.

I can't comment on the technical aspects of writing, for all I can say is how a piece made me feel. It made me feel sexy, sensuous, man and woman, and left me wanting more, questioning, seeking out a scent.

This should wow and flutter man and woman alike. Write on, lazy pen,


roovacrag at 20:23 on 14 April 2004  Report this post
This is brilliant,

Good piece of work, pity we don't see more of it.
Better when it is read out to you,as it was for me.

Well done
xx Alice

Nell at 20:35 on 14 April 2004  Report this post
Angela, a poem in prose. Beautiful, intimate, delicious, awash with sensuality. Lovely.

Best, Nell.

scottwil at 01:52 on 15 April 2004  Report this post
It's a wonderful celebration of language.
Excellent piece.
I particlarly like the wistful pause in the last line.

The Walrus at 08:09 on 15 April 2004  Report this post
Endorse the above. A very sensual, intimate and rich piece of work. What I really really liked about it was how you express so fabulously that feeling of being in love, of wanting to absorb the object of love so completely and yet, it is still recognised at the end, the essence of a person will always remain their own.


The Walrus

Watson at 12:19 on 15 April 2004  Report this post
Beautiful Angela. So many layers to this, like peeling an onion.
All the best for the competition.

literati at 22:43 on 15 April 2004  Report this post
Thank you for all the very positive comments. It does both encourage and motivate. Just what I need!

Account Closed at 10:33 on 16 April 2004  Report this post
Beautifully written, powerful imagery, good luck for the comp.

Dee at 16:10 on 17 April 2004  Report this post

The colours and the textures... the longing and the loving... not sure it's a short story - but what the hell - it's a beautiful piece of prosetry.


Royals at 17:46 on 17 April 2004  Report this post
A friend pointed this out to me.....this piece didn't disappoint. Excellent.


Flash at 12:10 on 18 April 2004  Report this post
A lovely vibrant piece of writing.

I hope the judges are in vibrant mood when they select their winners.

sarahclapham at 17:12 on 10 March 2005  Report this post
I found this piece so moving and as Fearless commented, sexy and senuous. i love the androgyny of the piece and the sensation of flowing and caressing with language.
Wonderful job!

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