Login   Sign Up 



 

One Percent

by Rai15 

Posted: 02 April 2004
Word Count: 423


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


On the train; up to London
Meet my mother – get on the tube line
Take a stroll through Regent’s Park,
Inner beauty to a gross city

Walk up the steps and in through the door
Round metal tea trays, with doilies and such
Plush leather sofas and armchairs to match
Doesn’t smell like a hospital, it looks far too posh

“Up on floor three, the lifts are round there.”
A receptionist with a terrible cold, how ironic
In the lift, up and out again
Nurses and so forth, all smiling nicely – no reason at all

“Down that corridor, make yourself at home.”
Wander slowly, lagging behind my parents
To an open space, huge doors all around and
A stench of leather, and squeaky chairs

Today’s newspaper, lying on the table
Offers of “Tea, coffee?” and a patient with his visitor
To cut the silence; questions posed to mother,
“What’s your favourite sitcom?”

After a fair wait, the surgeon came from his room
Greeted me and shook my hand
He’s the first one to speak to me, not my parents
“Go right inside, I’ll be right there.”

Powerful wave, of a peculiar smell
More squeaky chairs and a view of buildings
Mister Neuro came back and sat behind that big desk
With his back to the window, and pen in his hand

All symptoms gone through, the umpteenth time
Looked at my scans, and explained the irregularities
Why no normal tumour does as mine does
Then a brief examination, yet another, testing who knows

Back to the desk, and those damned squeaking chairs
A run through of possible courses of action
And that one percent chance, of something going wrong
What he advises, and how long I’d be in hospital

It comes now to the frustrating part
That the little bastard, in there, isn’t causing my pain
That constant headache that won’t – go away
And what Mister thinks it could be

Try not to cry, or get too angry, there’s no point
In crying, it’s already there, too late now
But “Chronic Daily Headache Syndrome”?
What were you thinking man? I’ll soon prove you wrong

Plod back out to the waiting area, and wander off for the lifts
Don’t speak, keep in silence
More smiling nurses, or else strange glances toward me,
Wondering what had made me so angry and glum

Back home for dinner, a somewhat quiet evening
And weeks later it occurs to me,
You know you might be coming toward death
When strangers smile sympathetically at you. True?






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Nell at 18:08 on 02 April 2004  Report this post
Rai, this feels so personal, like a diary, the small observations -He’s the first one to speak to me, not my parents - that are so telling. Those things, Inner beauty to a gross city,echoes of words, and the heartbreaking lines at the end all make this memorable.

cyber hugs, Nell.

Skeetr at 05:42 on 03 April 2004  Report this post
Rai, I agree with Nell on the strong intimacy of this poem -- the feeling of all this being written in a diary or recounted in intimate self-reflection -- yet no distancing or explanatory tone, the reader is drawn in close to hear and reflect along with the speaker. I particularly like the gradual unfolding of scenes, thoughts and feelings and how you allowed each incident and their sequence to speak for themselves.

Good stuff,

Smith

olebut at 08:03 on 03 April 2004  Report this post
Rai

an extremely emotive and obviously very personal piece I think that i fyou revist it you could make it a little sharper, although I accept that it may be too personal for yo to wish to at present but here are a couple of suggestions


On the train; to London
meet my mother – get on the tube,
then stroll through Regent’s Park,
inner beauty of a gross city.

Walk up the steps and in through the door,
round metal tea trays, with doilies and such,
plush leather sofas and armchairs to match,
Doesn’t smell like a hospital, it looks far too posh

but you must decide and despite everything the main thing is take great care and keep writing

david


Ellenna at 10:37 on 03 April 2004  Report this post
Rai .. you have a wonderful way of observing.."all smiling - no reason at all"..

another poem that let's one in..

Ellie ...

<Added>

another poem that's let one in...( sorry! lol) hope you know what i mean anyway..

roovacrag at 14:41 on 03 April 2004  Report this post
Rai,
Bless you.
This is very good and not your usual poem.
You are in a happy mood and write it well.
A longer peom as well. Hope to see more of this.
Well done my young friend.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Alice

Rai15 at 13:42 on 04 April 2004  Report this post
Thanks everyone for your responses, thanks a lot.

-Rai-


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .