The Man Who Vanquished His Demons
Posted: 01 April 2004 Word Count: 235
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The world is good You are good The world is one You are one
There was a man who was plagued by demons… He let them in. He listened to their Deceptive, ego-nurturing voices.
He let them, dance him round in rings of hideous nauseous circles round and round spinning insanely upon their mesmerizing merry-go-round.
He allowed them to convince him he was an ass, a fool, a nincompoop of the highest order.
He gave them carte blanche to take everything from him, to leave nothing but his bones, his skeleton.
He paid them in vital currency. He fed them with his sanity. He nourished them with his soul.
But, there came a time when his demons had driven him back so hard, so far, he was subsumed by the crazy blackness, and so the remnant of his soul had no choice but to hurtle him swiftly back to a place a time of One.
And, he wept with overwhelming relief and all that he’d forgotten he remembered. And he forgave himself for forgetting. He truly forgave himself.
And so, this man stood squarely before his demons. He stared them out. Defiantly. He didn’t waver. He didn’t blanch. He saw them for what they were, fraudulent specters willing him to fail willing him to fall.
He had fed them plenty. They had grown fat.
And, with a lopsided smile a devilish glint, he said:
Enough.
Comments by other Members
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joanie at 20:55 on 01 April 2004
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I wish I could tell them to FUCK OFF! I wish I could 'stare them out' but then I'm just a woman.......... they are insidious, these bloody demons, aren't they?
Very good; I liked it - it made me think and it made me boil. that has to be good in any poem, doesn't it??
joanie
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The Walrus at 07:21 on 02 April 2004
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Thanks Joanie. Yes, they are insidious little buggers.
Glad you liked it.
The Walrus
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Skeetr at 07:33 on 02 April 2004
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Walrus -- simple, direct language. Nice conflation of the demonic with the demotic [ sorry, reading that poetry textbook again, living large on my new big-words :) ] -- but seriously, you did nicely intersperse the other-worldly, fantastic feel of a ghost-story being told with the energy of everyday language, making for a spookily 'disturbing' rhythm/kinetic energy to match the imagery.
I only wonder if in stanza 10, line 9 if you need to fully say "Fraudulent specters" instead of the more punchy, direct "Specters", which seems in keeping with the clarity of the speakers waking-up-from-the-nightmare moment.
Good stuff,
Smith
<Added>
Or maybe -- even more punchy, and in keeping with the sounds you've established, just "Frauds."
<Added>
Teh 'F' sounds I meant -- going from forgetting, forgetting, forgetting to frauds to fuck you... nice fffff as if the speaker's a balloon pumped too much and about to burst with one big, final 'fuck you'.
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Fearless at 08:31 on 02 April 2004
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A journey, a story woven into a lyric, with a happy ending.
The second stanza is particularly noteworthy, as it sets up the piece strongly. I liked this. Well done.
Fearless
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olebut at 08:42 on 02 April 2004
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Walrus
a fine poem with tremndous sentiment and emotion but how much stronger I feel tha emotion would be if you changed this verse,
He allowed them
To convince him
That he was an arse
A truly unappreciative git.
A twat of the highest order
and replaced the words arse and twat say with fool or and idiot
I a also feel the Fuck off in the last line detracts totally from the poem I think Enough is strong enough to stan on its own says it all
This is not being prudish just looking at the work critically
I also have this thing about not using capital letters at the start of each line unles preceeded by a full stop, which again also I think dtratcst form a fine emotional piece
take care
david
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roovacrag at 13:41 on 03 April 2004
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WOW...THIS IS GREAT.
Yes i agree,this tells me a lot and i think i know what is being said.
We all have
our bug bares and we are not all intelligent.
We all have a talent that means something.
So we make the most of it and tell the world accept or
f... off.
Well done red
xxxStan
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Sue H at 10:04 on 04 April 2004
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Brilliant. If only I could do that to mind. Some humour in this which I liked as well as the strength of emotion.
Sue
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The Walrus at 15:26 on 04 April 2004
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Thanks all for comments.
Smith, yes I was trying to keep the language simple. Take your point 'fraudulent spectres'. Will have to have a think about it.
David, I think you're right on the 'FUCK OFF', 'enough', is enough(!) Will amend. As for 'arse' and 'twat', am still going with 'arse' but will change 'twat' to something else. Re: the initial caps at the beginning of lines, I think I need to have a look at this, think you're probably right (again!) Thanks. Really valuable comments.
Fearless, Stan, Royals and Sue - thanks for your comments. Always appreciated.
The Walrus
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Fearless at 16:07 on 04 April 2004
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The tweaks have made a strong piece that much stronger, with a better sense of timing within. Excellent, splendid, write on,
fearless
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cinq at 15:07 on 05 April 2004
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Thought provoking, with an uplifting ending. Excellent demon battling ammunition.
Great Stuff !
Cinq
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Lawrenco at 23:08 on 07 April 2004
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Well it seems I have recently discovered your poetry ,wow what a discovery!I like the story teller effect gives a timeless,power.
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The Walrus at 08:38 on 08 April 2004
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Thanks for your kind words Patrick. (Thanks also for commenting on some of my earlier work).
The Walrus
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