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Gods Patient

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 31 March 2004
Word Count: 79
Summary: stood too near death...


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Gods Patient

inside the empty
whirlpool of warming salt mind
the cold rain dies,

storms rage & calm
inside the pale blue eye
a souls resting place,

a mingling liquid
identity undermined
myself crucified,

all touch is turned off
my sweat electrified
by death's monitors,

daylight left ajar
darkness warming by the fire
my choice unseen,

then through
the 'thank you's
I hear nurses,

laughing
at my patience
with god,

knowing his
almost ran out
with me.



John G.Hall(C)2004






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Comments by other Members



Fearless at 15:52 on 31 March 2004  Report this post
John G

I have to apologise for being unable to make technically apt comments on poetry - it's just not me. All I can do is say what a lyric makes me feel. All I can say about this, is that I know the feeling well.

Fearless

Account Closed at 18:37 on 31 March 2004  Report this post
Wonderful sense of mystery about this - the connections are great. And I enjoyed the feeling of ice and pale blue it gives. Wasn't sure though whether the ending might be too explained or suffer from lack of imagery?

In fact, now I think of it, maybe it's almost a 2-parter with the "gap" coming just at "my choice unseen"?? The 2 halves are certainly very different ...

Anne B

Nell at 06:20 on 01 April 2004  Report this post
John, I'm with Fearless on this, and I wish I could analyse and explain more lucidly. It touches a chord of darkness, then changes with daylight left ajar, and hope slips in. The use of the words warming salt mind is ambiguous salt mined? then you have the echo in undermined, the darkness of a mine changes with the fifth verse. Love the way one has to work for just a tiny second to gain the meaning of the last two verses.

Nell.


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