A sonnet
Posted: 30 March 2004
Word Count: 100
Summary: At last - I have posted my first sonnet. I THINK I have the technicalities right!
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Which images will fill my head tonight
as sleep obliterates all mundane things?
A magic carpet ride at speed of light
to savour sights and sounds, imaginings?
Supreme achievements, dragons fought and slain,
A timid, understated life grown bold;
A plethora of joy – an end to pain?
My ultimate made tangible, in gold.
Not even when night’s terrors hem me in
would I seek refuge in a deep repose;
Nocturnal fears which penetrate within
serve only to enrich what they compose.
Yet naught I see in dreams compares to this:
To wake with you I count as perfect bliss.
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Comments by other Members
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 igbit33 at 14:07 on 30 March 2004
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Beautiful, joanie. Loved it and I THINK you have all the technicalities right too!
A lovely subject for the form and very well written. The sentiment in your couplet is especially lovely.
Shame it has been posted on what looks to have been a very quiet day. If you want to there is a thread in one of the group forums called 'forms (let me try this again)' could be a good idea to pop over and let fellow sonneteers know this is posted. No obligation obviously, just if you did want to.
Iggy. xx
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 joanie at 14:23 on 30 March 2004
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Iggy,
Thanks for your reply and encouragement. I'm glad you liked it. The couplet was what came to mind first; I worked back from there.
You're right, it's quiet today; everyone is out in the spring sunshine, either gardening or being inspired, I think. I'll try what you suggested.
Cheers, joanie
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Ticonderoga at 15:25 on 30 March 2004
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Joanie,
Very lovely - I agree with everything Iggy says; but, the rhythm stumbles slightly on upsurging, unless you unnaturally pronounce it UPsurging; I think you need replacement word which has the stress naturally fall on the forst syllable. Small point, I know, but if you feel like being rigorous about the technicalities.............A wonderful first attempt, though. Carry on scribbling. And welcome!
Best,
Mike
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Skeetr at 15:40 on 30 March 2004
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Hey Joanie -- I enjoyed reading your lovely, tightly structured Shakespearean sonnet (is a Shakespearean right?)
I just have a question about the sonnet's argument, particularly the shift into the last couplet. It seems as if you set the stage in the first 8 lines by querying 'what will the speaker dream of tonight; this? that?...' etc -- all adventurous, amazing, golden things;
then the next 4 lines say that not even when the nightime (the real nightime, outside of dreams?) is full of fear would the speaker want to remain in deep sleep as a way to avoid the frightening aspects of life;
and that the fears of the night that manage to penetrate into dream only enrich deep sleep/composure (w/ a play on the word 'compose' = both make and to calm down?).
But then the speaker says, 'yet' (meaning besides? nevertheless? however? even still?) -- nothing I see in my dreams compares to waking up with my beloved.
If I have read the poem correctly, while each line is in and of itself exquisite, finely honed, and musical -- the 'argument' seems to want to take us from fantasy to fear to a validation of the beauties of commonplace love... but one item doesn't seem to follow smoothly to the next. The sensuality and inventiveness is spot on, but the sense jars a bit.
Overall, I read through it with delight at its rhythm and sound, but since a Shakespearean sonnet almost demands that the reader close in on argument, I did -- and felt a little bit confused towards the end.
Best,
Smith
<Added>
Okay, sorry -- all that babble didn't make much sense. What I mean to ask is... did I read your argument correctly? I think it says:
- What will I dream of tonight – fantastic, golden things?
- I will not go to sleep just to get away from fear.
- If fear penetrates my dreams, it only makes for richer dreams.
- Nevertheless, nothing compares to waking up next to you.
If so, the last statement, while being resonant and lovely, requires a leap of logic.
Phew.
I hope that was helpful.
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 Nell at 16:16 on 30 March 2004
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Hi Joanie, My reaction is purely emotional; I thought this lovely, and very much in the spirit of the Shakespearian sonnet. Can't help on the technical aspects as they're new to me, and I haven't the experience, but gorgeous thoughts, words and feelings.
Nell.
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joanie at 17:32 on 30 March 2004
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Smith, thank you so much for taking time to reply at length. I value your thoughts very much. 'All that babble' did make sense, actually, but you were absolutely right in the added bit - those were my thoughts exactly. Perhaps my problem was that I started with the last couplet, really. I don't know. I'll have to try another one, I think, because I did enjoy it. This is addictive!
Thanks again, joanie
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joanie at 17:38 on 30 March 2004
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Thank you, Nell, for your response. Glad you enjoyed it.
joanie
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joanie at 17:44 on 30 March 2004
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Mike, thanks for your thoughts. I agree entirely re. 'upsurging' - no, I don't think it's a small point - I love rhythm to feel right; I am re-thinking as I type! Thanks again.
joanie
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joanie at 07:42 on 31 March 2004
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Mike - how about 'A plethora of joy' in line 7? .. except that the two vowels in 'plethora of' it make it sound a bit stilted.
joanie
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Account Closed at 18:32 on 31 March 2004
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A very moving sonnet, and tightly constructed too - very uplifting. The only thing I would query is the use of the archaic word "naught" - it made me stumble as I wasn't expecting it in the middle of the modern language used. I'm not sure it fits in with the rest of the language, and wonder if it can be changed? - such an inspiring piece deserves perfection!
Anne B
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joanie at 18:37 on 31 March 2004
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Thanks, Anne. I did actually originally start the line with 'Nothing I see in dreams.........', but the stress wasn't right. Perhaps it's because I'm from the North of England that 'naught' doesn't sound too archaic to me! I'll think about it! I appreciate your response. Thank you.
joanie
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