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The silent scream.

by Epona Love 

Posted: 27 March 2004
Word Count: 174
Summary: This is a poem that i wrote years ago, but still one of my favourites, so it would be nice to get some feedback. Its actually about getting married and ignoreing my inner instincts that were later proved right.

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How could I scream with open voice
And clearly state, I have no choice
But go into this willingly,
Although my body seems held back
Refusing to respond to me.
Perhaps my stuborn bones will crack
For holding me so rigidly.
Surely someone here must see
The fear behind my dignity,
The hopeful happiness I lack?

Forward into realms unknown
With resigned willingness I'm thrown,
Though everything inside me fought
Against my guilty forward feet.
I tried to make my only thought
For him that I was here to meet,
And though my voice inside seemed caught
And every part of me distraught
I spoke the pledges that meant naught
Though it was never my deciet.

Sometime distant bells will ring
To emphasise the ending.
As they once rang harsh and clear
But then I was not listening,
My mind was siezed with guilt and fear
Whilst all around was glistening
With frosty chill to bring a chear
To vision eiree, yet sincere
My inward scream to any ear...
If any ear was listening.

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Comments by other Members

joanie at 14:48 on 27 March 2004  Report this post
This spoke volumes to me. I felt the emotions.

miffle at 11:58 on 28 March 2004  Report this post
Epona Love, I shall come back to this poem with some more technical thoughts later. But for now, I just want to say that this poem could not have appeared at more apt time for me ;-) Yes, you are right you cannot 'will' the heart in to Love... And yes, if you listen the body speaks - I, personally, know that a lot of what we call illness is actually the body trying to speak to us and it will do if, it seems, we have ignored the 'still small voice' inside the mind.

And this voice, well, it is sometimes hard to hold on to it in the face of the pressures of family, of peers, of Society which a young woman (in particular, I feel) may encounter. I, personally, have two parents who are still married (seems to be the more unusual set up these days!) and who seem, on the surface of things, to be very much in Love. Actually, sometimes, I feel it would be easier on me if they weren't together i.e. then there would be more room for me to bodge things up ;-) So, you see, I can understand how someone might find themselves about to walk up the aisle with the wrong man without, however, intending to hurt. It is a tough call to have faith in yourself and your own voice when everyone else seems to be telling you something else.

Elizabeth Bishop's poem which starts ' The art of losing isn't hard to master...' I like very much. I, sometimes, feel however that one about 'The Art of Choosing' would be just as apt ;-) Perhaps, the trick is not to choose!! Not consciously, at least...

And the body, yes, well the body's reluctance, resistance - I have learned that it's important to listen to it. When you feel heavy about something, when you feel your 'heels digging in' (and I discover that this phrase is not an accident!) then it's time to question - ask yourself 'Why?'... I am trying to learn the art of doing things I feel 'Light' about you see :-) I think, sometimes we (and I speak for women) get ourselves into 'heavy' feeling situations because we (well, me, at least) have been conditioned to look out for others, help others, please others, before paying attention to our own Happiness. This is something I am discovering.

So, write on. This must have been a painful and lonely experience for you. Miffle :-)

NB Hope you don't mind me veering away from the technicalities of your poem (?). I know that sometimes it's not the 'done thing' !!

Epona Love at 12:15 on 29 March 2004  Report this post
Thankyou joanie. There were a lot of emotions involved that got to me for a long time afterwards. And I've had a lot of trouble with this sight recently so it's good to read these comments at last.

Miffle, Thankyou, and I don't mind leaving the technicalities aside! It's wonderful to know that my poem says something to you. Also to be reminded that it is still relavent, to me as well as others. I am in the process of trying to figure something out right now, and you have reminded me that I should be looking deeper inside myself for the answers... they are not allways a matter of mind or even heart. And yes I agree that we should consider our own happiness... I too have put others first too often at my cost... haveing said that I also want to become a counsellor! It's a case of balance, and expending energy in the right direction I think. I am learning that art... hopefully... and yes it was a very lonely time, and I did feel presured... money being spent etc. but I did believe it could work. Looking back? Well I'm not the person that I was then. I'm glad the poem was apt for you at this time and hope whatever it is works out. What you say about illness is very interesting, I have heard theories on that and the book that i am reading right now spoke a little of it too. Thankyou again for your feedback.

Emma, x.

igbit33 at 17:41 on 29 March 2004  Report this post
This is great, Emma. You've got some wonderful dee-dah's going on here (or should I say iambic pentameter - now I've learnt, it I may as well use it!)

Also a great rhyme scheme in the aabcbcbbbc - is it in a particular named/traditional form? I don't know much about them, but do know to stick to both dee-dah's and a rhyme scheme is not easy. So well done!

I wondered (if you do want to be so strict) if the 'Sometime distant bell will ring' could have an 'a' in between 'sometime' and 'bell'.

And 'As they once rang harsh and clear', could be 'rang out'.

But then if you do that, I think you'll have to find another beat in between 'the' and 'ending'. Hmmm, perhaps it's best to ignore me!

Iggy. xx

Fearless at 17:48 on 29 March 2004  Report this post
Your lyric reminds me of two things this evening. Firstly, my past marriage (oops) and secondly, that in this world and beyond, it begins and ends, with you. Write on Emma,


Lawrenco at 15:49 on 30 March 2004  Report this post
I suppose when I think of a scream,its always munchs painting .This for me has a simmilar empathy ,the descriptive placide despair,written in a very accessable way.
But as miffle touched on sacrifising your own feelings for someone else .Getting caught up in ,doing what is right .The pressure to go along with it ,all come through realistically,honestly; with that rhythm of being organised about it .Knowing deep inside you were doing something wrong,but feeling traped to do anything about it !It is certainly easy to relate to, and at the same time have depth.Its about you know !Look forward to hearing some more!

Epona Love at 15:50 on 30 March 2004  Report this post
Thankyou igbitt33 and fearless... as far as I know this isn't a traditional pattern. Just one I thought up. But I'm glad you like the pattern and dee-dah's. Yes such is marriage and life it seems.

Emma, x.


Cheers Lawrenco, x.

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