roovacrag at 07:32 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
Three lines and you said it all.
Lone tree-top tenor sang volumes to me.
Well done
XX Alice
| |
Beanie Baby at 09:05 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
Hi Joanie,
As someone else who adores writing haiku, I feel quite an afinity towards you. This is a lovely little verse. Could almost smell the spring flowers!
More please!!!
Beanie Baby.x
| |
joanie at 11:06 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
Thanks, Alice and Beanie Baby! I am certainly going to write more.
joanie
| |
|
joanie at 21:16 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
Thanks, Fearless. How can three words lift my spirit so much??
joanie
| |
Fearless at 21:19 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
Joanie
I could try and explain the technical brilliance of your haiku, or perhaps, I could try and reach into myself, and tell you what I felt when I read this. Alas, I am not very bright, and language is very cunning towards me this evening, with words slipping out of my grasp. Better that I just tell you how it is - excellent, write on.
fearless
| |
tinyclanger at 21:49 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
I am just about to tackle my first haiku, joanie, so very much enjoyed seeing the theory being out into practice.
Fabulous...I'm sure it takes lots of effort to get it to seem as effortless and polished as this, though!
It really communicates joy and delight in a new day.
Got something to aspire to now.....I would welcome your expert eye cast over mine when it's eventually done!
x
tc
| |
miffle at 22:40 on 22 March 2004
Report this post
|
Loved 'tree-top tenor' - sense of a bird all puffed up, in performance. Liked the way that the first and last lines had the shorter, heavier words which slowed the pace down; liked the way that the bird's song (to me) is heard in the middle line in the monosyllabic words, in the quicker sounds. 'Share your joy with me' -casts perhaps a blue tinge. Write on, Miffle ;-)
<Added>
NB I hear a twitter in the 2nd line ;-)
| |
joanie at 06:42 on 23 March 2004
Report this post
|
Thank you for your comments and observations. The awful thing is ......... I can hear and see him as I type this morning, but I know that in a couple of months time, when he's at it before 4am, I shall be wanting him to shut up, not share his joy!
joanie
| |
Nell at 06:46 on 26 March 2004
Report this post
|
Hi Joanie, A lovely moment, so much contained in so few words. I had to laugh at your last comment about him being 'at it' before 4am. You could try a verse about that moment and turn the whole point of haiku on its head!
Nell.
| |
igbit33 at 17:04 on 27 March 2004
Report this post
|
Lovely haiku, joanie.
Just don't shoot your inspiration at 4am !
Iggy. xx
| |
joanie at 20:19 on 27 March 2004
Report this post
|
Iggy... It's strange that you should say 'don't shoot your inspiration', because I used the idea behind this Haiku for a 'Just a Minute' spot on local radio, which appears, unannounced, several times during the day. This was the result:
He’s only, what – five inches high?
A silhouette against the sky.
Often unseen by human eye.
I hear him every day.
A lovely harbinger of spring;
Oblivious to everything,
Except that he just has to sing!
I wish I had his joy!
And yet, at 4am in June,
I’ll wish he had another tune!
And when the fields are newly-hewn,
I’ll wish I had a shot gun!
But now, he lifts my heart each day.
He makes me smile, he paves my way.
He marks the start of each new day.
A gem of God’s creation.
This has just started me thinking that it would be an idea to take one idea and reproduce it in various genres...... I could even feel a Nursery Rhyme coming on!
Thanks for your reply!
joanie
| |
Epona Love at 15:11 on 28 March 2004
Report this post
|
I like the idea of produceing the same idea in many genres... sometimes i just write something and then re-write it as a poem in a style that I like using , just so that i can focus on the idea. I usually end up with two poems just different styles. Anyway I enjoyed this, but I don't really have any knowledge of Haiku. It did leave me feeling lifted though.
Also I received an email notification of a comment from you on my work that seems to have dissapeared! Either it has been deleted or something strange is occuring! But thanks for commenting... it would have been nice to have read it. Any chance of commenting again?
Emma,x.
| |
joanie at 14:55 on 29 March 2004
Report this post
|
Emma, I posted a comment on 'The Silent Scream' - about the emotions - but it still seems to be there. I don't think I have written anything else.
Thanks for your response.
joanie
| |
Epona Love at 16:18 on 29 March 2004
Report this post
|
joanie, yes I've read it now... for some reason I have to keep refreshing the pages or the info isn't up to date... hopefully that won't last forever. Thankyou for your comments, I did post a Thankyou on that page.
Sorry for the confusion.
Emma, x.
| |