Broken by Rai15 - WriteWords.org.uk

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Broken

by Rai15

Posted: 19 March 2004
Word Count: 88

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Your words of poison
twist around my body
my limbs
like the ivy
taking a final
stranglehold

Childhood faded fast
recently I regret
now such a final halt
I can’t be a child anymore
I wish I’d never dreamt
of age

I’m broken
and breaking down
dying alone
nothing seems to ease
this torture

Am I the only one,
who cries?
I can’t be strong for you
I have no strength
for myself

Nothing’s left
but fear and dread
So please
don’t speak
I have nothing to say

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Comments by other Members

EmiliaDG at 15:58 on 26 March 2004 Report this post

Hi Rai,

This poem has such a wonderful start - the first verse has terrific imagery and really gripped me as a reader. I love the idea of a person's hurtful words represented as a suffocating vine. I wonder if you need some punctuation in there though? As it reads I am unsure of you mean that the words twist around both body and limbs or that the limbs take the final strangle hold?
(You may have chosen to leave out all punctuation intentionally which is fine).

I didn't find the rest of the poem quite so powerful though I could see that all the emotion and feeling was there. The first verse lured me into thinking I might hear more about this relationship and what this person had done, so I felt a little dissapointed to only hear about the writer's feelings and the second verse about childhood didn't seem connected to the rest for me.

But that said, I liked the simplistic style and as previously mentioned, I found the first verse very powerful and engaging and am now off in search of other works of yours!

Best wishes,

Emilia

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