Don`t Go!
Posted: 19 March 2004 Word Count: 459 Summary: Another shorty short
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Don't Go
"Don't go down there."
"Why not?"
"You won't like it, they're horrible down there, stay here, it's much nicer."
Tilly wasn't sure, after all she thought she was expected to go down there, surely that was the whole point.
Tilly watched as Gregory curled the silver yo-yo back to his hand, as soon as it was safe in his palm he unfurled it once more, sending it cascading through the air, spinning and dancing and showing off just as much as Gregory.
"We can't just stay here Gregory, there's nothing to do, we have to go down there at some point."
"I don't want anything to do, I'm perfectly content just to sit up here and perfect my leisure skills."
Tilly gasped, she'd heard the rumours about Gregory, the others had said he was lazy and if push came to shove you couldn't rely on him, but now she was witnessing it first hand, she wondered if perhaps there wasn’t more to it.
"How many times have you been down there Greg?"
The yo-yo shot back into his hand and he looked her straight in the eye.
"Once was enough."
"Once? But that's nothing, even if you have a bad experience you're supposed to go back, that's what they taught us, the odds are on our side, you must believe that."
Gregory's mouth tightened and he looked like he might cry.
"That my dear Tilly is propaganda, PR gone mad, the odds are most definitely against us and what’s more the gap is widening every day."
"I don't care, I'm going."
"Suit yourself." then just as she was sure he didn't care he added, "When?"
"Now, I've had breakfast and I feel ready to go now, so are you going to wish me luck?"
"It's not luck you need - it's strength and wisdom and the ability to distance yourself at all times, can you do that Tills, can you?"
Tilly nodded, stoical, as she reached out to shake her comrades hand he pulled her toward him and held her in a tight embrace.
"What ever you do, don't go anywhere near those that used to love you, no matter how tempting, don't seek them out, don't stand silent and watch them as they go about their business, don't ever be privy to their grief, for it will tarnish you, they say the pain diminishes but it doesn't Tilly, if you linger they will get to you, reach deep inside your soul and leave their indelible fingerprints forever - go now, and if you remember bring me back a sherbet dip."
Tilly bade farewell took a deep breath and leapt.
And so it was, another little angel came down to earth to try and make things right.
Comments by other Members
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Nell at 11:01 on 19 March 2004
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Ohhhhhh! Julie! I couldn't imagine what was going on here, or how you were going answer all the qusetions in my mind, couldn't for the life of me see how the story could have a satisfying end. But it does, it really does! Absolutely loved it, so heartwarming. This will keep me smiling for the rest of the day.
Best, Nell.
<Added>
See what you've done to my typing?!
'qusetions?' Well, I guess you all know what I mean.
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Jubbly at 11:09 on 19 March 2004
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Thankyou Nell, what a lovely thing to say, must be something in the air, that story is so unlike old cynical me, I must say.
All the best from me too
Julie
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roger at 12:11 on 19 March 2004
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That's lovely, Jubb, really lovely. Like, Nell, I'll have a nice, warm feeling for the rest of the day. So often, shorts with intriguing beginnings disappoint at the punch-line, but 'Don't Go' doesn't...far from it. Great stuff. Just one thing, which is almost certainly just me, I'd split the sentence starting 'Gregory's mouth....' into two.
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Ralph at 13:25 on 19 March 2004
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Hi Julie,
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I hope it's true...
It's a fascinating idea, and one that you've (again!) managed to fit so well into such a tiny space. A real gem. Thanks for posting it.
Couple of fickle things that might just be me, personal preference and all that...
"spinning and dancing and showing off just as much as Gregory." For some reason I keep wanting to put a "did" on the end...
"Tilly nodded, stoical, as she reached out to shake her comrades hand he pulled her toward him and held her in a tight embrace."
Two sentences rather than one????
Another excellent short... Kept me thinking all the way through.
All the best with these
Huggs
Ralph
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anisoara at 13:38 on 19 March 2004
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Julie -- Lubbly! And I love the lacing of humour at the end: go now, and if you remember bring me back a sherbet dip |
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Ani
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kennyp at 15:24 on 19 March 2004
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Julie
Another excellent short story in every sense of the word. Economical, pithy and with a delightful uplifting warm ending.
Excellent way to start the weekend!
Kenny
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Jubbly at 19:39 on 19 March 2004
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Thank you Roger, Ralph, Ani and Kenny. I will attend to the punctuation ASAP. Thanks for reading, I intend to make a habit of posting these little tales over the next few weeks. They are crucial to the theatre project I'm working on, so I really appreaciate all your comments.
Julie
x
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Becca at 16:08 on 21 March 2004
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Another charmer, Julie. At one point the gates of Hades came to mind, but that's on the ground floor isn't it? And earth is in the middle.
Becca.
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Jumbo at 23:23 on 22 March 2004
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Julie
Excellent! Nicely paced, and didn't give anything away until the end!
Well done!
John
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Anj at 11:38 on 05 May 2004
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Jubbly,
Loved this - a big tease, and hooked me. Love your easy, tight style (sounds contradictory, but not).
This para needed punctuating, and wasn't quite as tight as the rest of it. "Tilly watched as Gregory curled the silver yo-yo back to his hand, as soon as it was safe in his palm he unfurled it once more, sending it cascading through the air, spinning and dancing and showing off just as much as Gregory."
Loved the ending, but thought the last line a bit too twee.
Take care
Andrea
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