Strawberry Fields
Posted: 18 March 2004
Word Count: 67
Summary: A closed road meant a different route to work today. How things have changed! The development is called Strawberry Fields.
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I picked my own,
as the invitation suggested.
Delicious, juicy red fruit,
each one made more luscious
by its illicit, stolen counterpart.
The sign still stood,
a proud sentinel at the gates,
as the diggers moved in.
Pick Your Own!
I picked my own
executive dwelling,
convenient bungalow, two receptions,
conservatory, shower room ensuite.
I picked my own;
Strawberry Meadows,
Strawberry Fields
forever
cast in breeze block.
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Comments by other Members
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 Chem at 22:56 on 18 March 2004
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Hello
I really enjoyed this, I especially love when inspiration for a new poem can arrive from a break in the usual routine (the closed road)! A good poem that very definitely reminded me of my childhood in the countryside surrounded by PYO!
Thanks for the read
Em
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Skeetr at 08:13 on 19 March 2004
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Joanie, I too enjoyed this. I liked the suggestive, mysterious opening lines ("I picked my own, / as the invitation suggested") and how the repetition of "Pick your own" and "I picked my own" reinforced the bittersweet aloneness of the speaker as s/he picks. And the bittersweet flavour (if I may pun) of the poem is enhanced by juxtaposing the sweet fruit imagery with the industrial/manmade images of diggers, breeze blocks, bungalows, reception rooms.
I only wonder if "juicy red fruit" in the first stanza -- the first clear description of the fruit -- is strong enough to match the rest of your imagery? It is such a heavily utilized phrase that it seems to detract from what you are trying to do. Maybe a more individualised description of the strawberry there? What drew the eye to just that one? or something... just a suggestion, as always.
Best,
Smith
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 joanie at 09:31 on 19 March 2004
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Thank you, Smith, for your comments. I agree totally about 'juicy red fruit'. I'll re-think.
joanie
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anisoara at 10:01 on 19 March 2004
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Joanie - Me too! I mean, I really enjoyed this. Very nice. You carried this off on two levels to great effect.
I am frequently obtuse about poetry, so I didn't understand the 'illicit stolen counterpart', but I suspect that says something about me, not the poem.....
Ani
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joanie at 11:11 on 19 March 2004
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Thanks Ani.
I just meant that I nicked the odd one; each strawberry I paid for tasted even better because of it! Glad you liked it.
joanie
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miffle at 11:54 on 19 March 2004
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Joanie, a poem with an unexpected turn - which I always like!
Thought the contrast between the first half (summery, fruity, indulgent, sensuous) and the second (executive, time-poor, efficient, business-like, concrete) worked admirably.
Liked the way 'Pick your own!' set apart signalled for me the change in register from sensuous language to stilted, abrupt language. 'cast in breeze block' - felt the your heart pinched there...
I think we're all familiar with this feeling - of stumbling upon a place that was cherished by us when we were younger and finding it changed beyond belief...
'Strawberry Fields/ forever' seemed a reference to the Beatles... True, yes literally - i.e. concrete doesn't wear. Deeply ironic, too, i.e. your strawberry-fields real and your strawberry-fields imagined vanished forever. Magic, imagination lost forever, Surely, 'Strawberry Fields' deserved a more imaginative development of homes (!?), if ever... Hmmm... these sort of developments, lacking vision, bug me...
Write on, Miffle ;-)
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joanie at 13:52 on 19 March 2004
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Thank you Miffle,
I'm glad somebody mentioned the Beatles reference!
joanie
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