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The enemy within. (1)
Posted: 17 March 2004
Word Count: 72
Summary: This poem is about fear... of course. I really enjoyed playing with this one, but I am not sure that such a piece as this should have left me with such a big smile on my face!
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The enemy within.
Razor sharp, yet numbed
Lies the enemy within.
Hacking hatefully
At the self beneath my skin.
Crawling through my veins
'Till it finds the heart of me,
Clawing at my lungs
So I can't breathe.
It's grinding down my bones,
Tearing at my nerves,
Mincing up my brain
To feed the one it serves.
Ripping out my stomach,
Screaming in my ears...
How can I ignore
My deepest fears?
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Comments by other Members
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 Epona Love at 22:03 on 17 March 2004
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I would just like to thank everyone who commented on the last poem that I posted, 'Glimpsed Perfection'. I felt warmly welcomed, and I have since become a full member. I did look at some of the work that you have all posted but was having difficulty loggining in to comment. But I have enjoyed reading it all.
E, x.
<Added>
Ive just realised that logging is spelt in a rather curious way! Suprised that no-one else has commented on it! I'm sure that there are many other spelling mistakes throughout my stuff... so feel free to correct me!
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roovacrag at 10:41 on 18 March 2004
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Very well written,gripping in your words.
Like a nightmare we cannot forget,still there waiting.
well done.
xxAlice
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fevvers at 14:37 on 18 March 2004
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Hello Epona Love
I enjoyed this poem, I liked the energy created by the rhythm. Could I make a suggestion for an exercise you might enjoy?
Try thinking of the enemy within as a creature, an animal or bird or insect and describe it. Think of what it might do, my think, feel, what it might eat and how it eats, what colour is it. Then think how you know these things, can you see it? Can you sense it? Then have a look at your relationahip with it - do you like it, despise it, are you disgusted with it? Give it a narrative to play out and see what that gives you. It could be a thing you can take for a walk or it could be making a cup of tea, something like this.
What I think you would find is that the energy in the rhythm would get taken up by the energy in your images and you might find you have an even bigger grin at the end of writing.
I hope you don't mind me making this suggestion.
Cheers
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Anj at 15:59 on 18 March 2004
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Epona Love,
I loved this - very powerful, very sharp, very tight. The only thing that didn't work for me was the last two lines - seemed not to fit with the rest, and not be a suitably "bam!" conclusion.
Regards
Anj
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Lawrenco at 22:58 on 20 March 2004
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This Horror genre adopted here comes into good effect.I enjoyed the pivotal descripivness between comedy and frustration ,like a literary wrestling match.-Or a possible future horlicks add ?Who indeed knows in this topsy turvy world we live in.
After "my deepest fears"
Drink Horlicks..
There`s always a happy ending if you look for it .
Well it is saturday night!
I`ve enjoyed the trilogy of poems?
<Added>
I hope you don`t, think of me too glib in my comments ;but your large grin gave me the idea it had a black comedy affect...wonderful graphic effect see you in the written word.
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Epona Love at 18:16 on 21 March 2004
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Thankyou all for the comments. Much apreciated. I will try to take up the challenge suggested by you, fevvers, but it may take a while. I did juggle with a few line alternatives for the end when I wrote it.... but this one seemed to fit the purpose best, and any suggestions are welcomed in the spirit of stretching the possibilities.
It wasnt supposed to have a humorous element... although my pleasure from it probably does have a slightly twisted edge, maybe based on a darker side of my sense of humour! And my ability to laugh at myself. (and horror films at times!)
I prefere hot chocolate, but an interesting idea... do you think it would sell?!
E,x.
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