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Longing
Posted: 16 March 2004 Word Count: 93
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Silver grey sky reminds me of your hair as I stare into eternal space impenetrable inscrutable and no trace of fire Steel stab pins rain harsh on my skin I yearn for the smell of apple tree wood and the hiss and spit of warmth within instead the ice cold touches that pierce to my core A mantle of snow keeps the crocus from death but the warmth of Spring is the bringer of colour Night settles its swathe in pale mirrors as I reach for the Moon in search of the Sun
Comments by other Members
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Fearless at 13:50 on 16 March 2004
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Long time no see Ellie. Beautiful, mournful. What resonated most? Well:
'steel stab pins rain harsh on my skin
I yearn for the smell of apple tree wood
and the hiss and spit of warmth within
instead the ice cold touches
that pierce to my core'
A moving lyric.
Fearless
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roovacrag at 15:38 on 16 March 2004
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Beautiful.
The last line did it for me.
as i reach for the moon
in search of the sun.
great one.
xxAlice
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Ellenna at 16:28 on 16 March 2004
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Fearless thank you! And Alice I changed the last line umpteen times...glad this resonates with you and thanks for your thoughts:)
Ellie
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olebut at 17:58 on 16 March 2004
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ellie hi and welccome back
as always emotive words and strong images
take care
david
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miffle at 11:31 on 17 March 2004
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Ellie, loved the poem. Endearing.
'silvery grey sky' wizardy, ancient feel.
'stare into eternal space' 'inpenetrable, inscrutable' - reminds me of the line 'we see but throught a glass darkly' from the book by Jostein Gaarder (surname?) called 'Through a Glass Darkly' about an angel's conversations with a dying girl. i.e. in the grand scheme of things our human vision is so limited... (mostly)
Loved the reference to the 'apple tree wood' - the 'smell' the 'hiss' and the 'spit' - but then I am a sucker for fires!
'Night settles its swathe/ in pale mirrors' - beautiful! 'settles its swathe' sounds so restful and gentle. 'pale mirrors' sounds sad, mournful, makes me think of the moon.
'..as I reach for the Moon/ in search of the Sun' - beautiful in sentiment, sound, image. Yes, loved the closing 4 lines.
Write on, Miffle ;-)
<Added>
meant ' we see but through a glass darkly'
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Ellenna at 17:23 on 17 March 2004
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David thanks .. and I am trying to catch up with all the uploaded poems.. Miffle many thanks too for your comments I am just happy it resonated ..:)
Ellie ..
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igbit33 at 12:35 on 18 March 2004
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Ellie,
A sad piece, but beautiful - the fifth and sixth lines especially.
Iggy. xx
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engldolph at 14:42 on 29 March 2004
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HI Ellie
I liked the winter feel of this...hopefully all behind us now spring is here ...
Had a haunting tone..in the remembrance of the grey hair and times by he fire (but somehow told of lost love to me, rather than someone waiting)...
Really liked the way you linked ..no traces of fire (in the sky) ..to the follow lines about fire at home..
and loved the last lines..
best wishes
Mike
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