She is lying down naked on the bed beside me as I write this. Her eyes are closed and peaceful; like she’s floating on a silent still river. The waters running deep below betray this peace and we both know this. If I could only give her the peace she wants, to kiss her forehead and watch as all her troubles disappear, or if I had to fight a thousand unseen dangers while thunderstorms raged I would do it, in a second. Such a delicate, beautiful body such as this does not deserve the tempest and the torments.
I follow her breathing, every breath going deeper and deeper, every breath carrying her further adrift from these shores, if only she could take me with her. I see her eyes closed and content, not straining to see, not distorted with anger or wet with tears. Her mouth is still. She cannot speak, and she does not need to speak or to shout now. It is difficult to think that in a few hours time those eyes will open and she will come back to me in this ugly world of ours. And her soft smile will break across her face, in conflict with the fears in her mind, also returning at her wake. If only I could hold the sands of time in my hand I would keep this moment for an eternity, not let a single grain through my fingers, and I would take this moment and build an eternity around it. Her breathing is deeper and more regular now. She has left me, and at the same time I feel happiest and most alive I have ever felt. A thousand thoughts enter my mind; shards of glass belonging to the same whole. How can I let her come back? I can give her this peace, but it tears at my heart day and night if I were to let this continue.
If I were logical I would ask myself this. You love her more than life itself, yes? And with one action you can give her this calm and tranquil peace forever. You would do anything for her. Anything? Tear out your heart and destroy it, would you not do that for her? You will be freeing her from all her agonies and troubles, all that makes her cry, and break down. If you loved her you would do this.

And I do love her. And I do want to free her. I reach for another cigarette, settle back, and look deeply into her face.

And I decide.

And nothing will ever be the same again.